Your mom hugs me as I walk into the front door of your home.
She tells me she knew how much you meant to me.
Yet I still feel like I should have told you.
Your sister, my best friend, starts crying even harder when she sees me.
She knows that who I grew up with, idolized, and really liked, is gone.
She tells me you loved me, and everyone else.
You loved everyone.
And that's what hurts the most.
Knowing that so many people would've done anything to help you.
Your older sister comes into the room and hugs me, too.
I have never felt so sorry for someone in my whole entire life.
She cries, and I start crying, too.
Even though, just a few minutes ago, I had stopped.
Everything stopped after my mom told me what happened to you.
Everything for everyone who knew you stopped.
And maybe that's why over the last few days I've looked around.
At people who didn't know you and thought.
Their life never stopped that day.
They didn't get to know you.
I was lucky, I got to have you in my life.
I got to grow up with you, and live next door to you.
You were such a selfless person.
The best neighbor I could ever ask for in my whole entire life.
Everyone who met you liked you.
I don't think I've ever met a person that knew you, that didn't like you.
I know in my heart that had I ever needed anything from you.
You would have done it.
And everyone else who was close with you, knows that too.
We all know you didn't mean to do what you did.
We all know you don't want us all to feel this way.
And we all have questions for you.
Ones that can't be answered.
I had so much I was planning to talk to you about had you come home for Thanksgiving.
Whether it was scary or not, it bugged me you didn't know how much you meant to me, so I wanted to tell you.
I wanted to play a song I wrote for you, too.
But that won't happen.
Everyone in this little town has an “I should have...”
Everyone also has a “What if I would've...” or “If only I had...”
But we can't go back in time.
One of life's biggest problems.
Because if that were the case.
You'd be here.
And everyone's heart who broke on November 6th
Wouldn't be so broken anymore.
You have taught all of us something from this.
You sure taught me things even when you were around.
But I can't express enough how grateful I am to have known you.
I can't even believe that this is real.
I've spent so much time over the last few days just waiting to wake up.
Hoping that this was just all one big dream.
Nightmare, actually.
You had something every girl looked for in a guy.
Actually, you didn't have just something...
Everything in you was what girls looked for in a guy.
Everything in you was what someone looked for in a friend.
You touched so many people's lives and I wish you realized it.
You were so modest about everything you did.
I remember being younger and watching you from my kitchen window do wheelies on your dirt bike.
Your mom called after you, “Wear a helmet!!!!”
You were so cool. You still are the coolest guy I have ever known.
I felt like I knew a celebrity at that age, and the best part was he lived next door.
And knew he knew my name.
You were everyone's someone.
And you meant something to everyone.
And to some people, it seemed like you meant everything.
Like to me.
The next couple days went by.
And your house was filled with sadness and unconditional love.
When I told my friends what happened, they all cried too.
Because they knew how highly I thought of you, and how much I really liked you.
My friends are going to miss you, too.
Even though they never met you.
They'll miss the cheap thrills.
The late nights we would sit outside.
Whispering "I wonder when he's gonna be home."
And when we would hear your truck.
We'd all freak out and run inside.
Such a cheap thrill.
My best friend and I once sat outside on your basketball court.
Waiting for you and my dad to get home.
"Maybe, we can like ask him to play basketball with us or something."
She wanted to meet you.
I just wanted to talk to you.
My little brother ruined that plan.
We did see you though.
And you were smiling.
Your visitation shook everyone really hard.
It was the evidence that what had happened really happened.
It wasn't just a dream like we were all hoping it would be.
You didn't look like yourself.
But I knew it was you.
And that's when all of us realized it was real.
But you aren't gone.
You're still here. Not the way we want.
But you are.
I can feel it. All of us can.
I see so much of you in all of my friends.
And I hope everyone sees some of you in their friends.
I know you're working through everyone to make us all happy.
Things aren't going to be the same.
Things are going to change.
And they're not going to be easy.
All of us came together for your funeral.
Sniffles heard throughout the church.
Sounds of sobbing and broken hearts.
The priest had to catch his breath because he was crying, too.
Everyone there had to be there for each other.
And I felt you there when I realized I had just hugged your ex-girlfriend who I didn't even get along with.
We both hugged each other and simultaneously said “I'm sorry”
Forgiveness.
And a bridge that had been broken, was just starting to be repaired.
All for you.
Whether people are religious or not.
We can all agree that you made that happen.
You saw it happen, too.
I know you'd be happy to see it.
I see your best friend, roommate, and cousins roll your casket out of the church.
And it shakes me to try to think what they're feeling.
And it shook others to try to think what I was feeling, too.
No one in that room could relate the feelings they had because they were all different.
Everyone had a different connection to you.
But all of them said the same words to describe you.
Words like: Sweet, gentleman, loving, caring, helpful, polite, nice, genuine, charming, hard working, upbeat, positive, smiley.
Happy.
It broke me so much to think of all of the little things I wouldn't be around.
Especially in the summer.
Seeing you outside with your dad, working on your truck together.
And your dad showing you how to do things.
And every time you would finally figure something out
You'd smile.
Little things like your truck driving up the street.
The loudness of the engine and the rattling noise of whatever was in the back.
The sound of you slamming your truck door.
The way you chased after your dog as he ran into my backyard.
Of course, me being me, I was just thinking about how great it was.
Since maybe you'd talk to me.
You would
"Hey, Ashley"
You would always say my name, which was perfect since when I talked to you
I probably couldn't remember what it was.
I'm gonna miss that, too.
When you'd sit on your deck with your sister and I.
And you'd show me your middle-school like magic tricks
Even though you'd done several of them to me when we were younger.
Your laugh and your smile will never be replaced.
I promise, I will never forget them.
Or you.
Other simple things like you standing outside impressed with your friends' sound systems in their car.
You'd all stand around one and it seemed as though you'd see how loud you could make the bass go.
Then you'd all get in and drive off.
And I'd sit at home in my room thinking about how much I wanted to spend my own time with you.
Getting to know more about you.
Besides what I was already into.
There are of course things I missed about you even when you were alive.
Things like neighborhood games of t-ball, kick the can.
Or that game of spud we all used to play.
Begging your sister to talk you into getting me flowers for my birthday.
Every year I'd cross my fingers in hope that maybe, someday it would happen.
But you were far too nice to lead me on.
At the time I was upset.
But now I realize in a way
You were looking out for me.
Every time I remember talking to you or being around you.
It was sunny outside.
Except for the time we were out on your deck eating and there was a tornado watch.
It was Friday the 13th.
You, your sister and I all got into one of your vehicles and went to rent a movie.
You made up some elaborate Friday the 13th story.
You were flying and you saw UFOs picking up cars.
And kidnapping people.
I laughed.
And you laughed, too.
You were such a unique person.
I can't say I've never met or heard about another person like you.
I remember when I was in 4th grade I asked you what you thought about girls
You were riding around in your garage on your trick bike.
You shrugged and said
"I don't know, they're just people."
You were in only the 6th grade when you said that.
A typical response from a 6th grade boy
Would not be something like that.
But you were no typical boy.
Building forts in the woods out back our houses.
You were always the one left in charge of carrying the large pieces of wood.
One time you, your sister, my brother and I all built a really cool one.
There are still remains of it today.
When I got my dog,and we all played outside.
When we all pretended she was evil and had to run from her.
She barked like crazy and we all sat on your basement floor laughing.
That day was so much fun.
Everyday spent around you was fun.
The coolest guy I've ever met.
You.
Racing cars.
Flying planes.
Owning a dirt bike.
Watching you race was so exciting.
That boy in that #32 race car.
My next door neighbor.
He talked to me, smiled at me and made me feel noticed.
You were like a big brother to me.
With the exception of me being into you.
I know when it came down to it, even though I drove you crazy.
You would look out for me.
You loved me.
And maybe not exactly the way I wanted you to.
But you did.
And I love you, too.
When you were buried there weren't as many people there as there were at the church service.
A small close circle stood around your resting place.
Some people stood with their arms around each other. Together.
Others stood alone.
Some cried to the point where they had to cover their face.
Others stood numb.
The group tapered down as we were told there was a lunch back at the church.
As my family got into our car I looked out the passenger window and saw people touching your casket.
Some leaning up against it crying.
Saying their final goodbye.
It hit me that that's the last time I will ever see you again.
Life didn't stop that day you died for those who didn't know you.
They didn't get that phone call.
The heartbreaking news.
But life doesn't stop for anything.
Whether it's happy or not.
Life only goes one way.
Forward.
So this is for you, neighbor.
Forward I go.
I love you <3
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Backwards Determination
it's almost humorous when people tell me i can't do things
"you won't be able to do that because...
...you're not strong enough"
...your grades"
...your parents said you can't"
...i don't think you're ready for it"
but it's funny you know, because every time someone tells me i can't do something
or something off of that list
i do everything in my power just to prove them wrong.
it actually determines me.
so attention stupid math teacher, thanks for telling me i won't make it into UW-Milwaukee.
your negativity and doubt are bound to push me to get there
...and it's funny because you don't even know it
you'll see :)
"you won't be able to do that because...
...you're not strong enough"
...your grades"
...your parents said you can't"
...i don't think you're ready for it"
but it's funny you know, because every time someone tells me i can't do something
or something off of that list
i do everything in my power just to prove them wrong.
it actually determines me.
so attention stupid math teacher, thanks for telling me i won't make it into UW-Milwaukee.
your negativity and doubt are bound to push me to get there
...and it's funny because you don't even know it
you'll see :)
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Push
i wish i didn't feel like the only person in the world who always has to push an issue super hard just to get someone to look my way.
or an even more practical situation would be something like me just trying to get someone to talk to me or LISTEN to me.
i have to practically kick and scream just to get someone to listen.
and if they complain about that. i have to whisper.
i can't ever just talk.
always pushing to get to someone.
and just when i almost get where i want to be.
something pulls me back.
push. pull. push.
and just when i'm on the edge and i need someone to pull me back.
they push.
or an even more practical situation would be something like me just trying to get someone to talk to me or LISTEN to me.
i have to practically kick and scream just to get someone to listen.
and if they complain about that. i have to whisper.
i can't ever just talk.
always pushing to get to someone.
and just when i almost get where i want to be.
something pulls me back.
push. pull. push.
and just when i'm on the edge and i need someone to pull me back.
they push.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
dear mr. heartbreaker...
Dear Mr. Heartbreaker...
I have had enough now.
Enough of me going back to you, and you going back to me.
Enough of you making me feel like a fool for going back.
Enough of your cruel words making me feel small and helpless.
Enough of you telling my friends that I'm a "Fucking disgusting bitch"
Enough of you leading me on.
Enough of you kissing me just like I had always pictured.
Enough of you claiming you would be mine once I returned home from Ecuador.
and then changing your mind and going back to the girl you think you love.
Who do you think you are walking around with your charming personality snatching girls' hearts by just once glance?
I hope you find this.
I hope that I live up to your title of me.
I hope that you are getting exactly what you wanted right now.
Me. Heartbroken. Congratulations, sir.
But I have news for you...
You are not what you think you are.
Girls think you are so charming and sweet and handsome.
And you're not.
You walk through this world thinking you're the best.
You once told me you considered dating a game.
Is it something like...
The object of the game is to break as many hearts as possible??
Well, let me tell you something...
Every time you break a heart...gold coins don't fall down where that girl once stood. This isn't a game. Love isn't a game. Lust isn't a game. Nothing is a game.
I hope that you are happy.
I hope that you are happy that you have made people think I am crazy, and that I'm not who I am.
I hope you know that every time you do this, my BEST friend even gets fed up with it.
I hope you are glad that at one point in time, you actually had me believing that I deserved someone like you.
So call me everything you want to. I'm sure I've heard it all.
But you are mean, rude, disgusting, a liar, a player, and a jerk.
So Mr. Heartbreaker...
What makes you think you're so special after all?
I have had enough now.
Enough of me going back to you, and you going back to me.
Enough of you making me feel like a fool for going back.
Enough of your cruel words making me feel small and helpless.
Enough of you telling my friends that I'm a "Fucking disgusting bitch"
Enough of you leading me on.
Enough of you kissing me just like I had always pictured.
Enough of you claiming you would be mine once I returned home from Ecuador.
and then changing your mind and going back to the girl you think you love.
Who do you think you are walking around with your charming personality snatching girls' hearts by just once glance?
I hope you find this.
I hope that I live up to your title of me.
I hope that you are getting exactly what you wanted right now.
Me. Heartbroken. Congratulations, sir.
But I have news for you...
You are not what you think you are.
Girls think you are so charming and sweet and handsome.
And you're not.
You walk through this world thinking you're the best.
You once told me you considered dating a game.
Is it something like...
The object of the game is to break as many hearts as possible??
Well, let me tell you something...
Every time you break a heart...gold coins don't fall down where that girl once stood. This isn't a game. Love isn't a game. Lust isn't a game. Nothing is a game.
I hope that you are happy.
I hope that you are happy that you have made people think I am crazy, and that I'm not who I am.
I hope you know that every time you do this, my BEST friend even gets fed up with it.
I hope you are glad that at one point in time, you actually had me believing that I deserved someone like you.
So call me everything you want to. I'm sure I've heard it all.
But you are mean, rude, disgusting, a liar, a player, and a jerk.
So Mr. Heartbreaker...
What makes you think you're so special after all?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
a football jersey
Last week on Friday, while walking through the hallway...
I heard two girls talking, they were both wearing football jerseys...
and one looked at the other and said, "well, next week I'M wearing _____'s jersey!!"
now this whole football jersey has always sort of confused me.
and maybe because i'm seeing it from the outside in since i've never worn one before.
but girls literally get all worked up over this?
to those of you out there reading this, if you've worn a jersey before...
don't act like at one time you haven't been a little worked up about it before.
you know, when you like a guy, and you really want his jersey, and then on friday, you see some other girl wearing it?
bummer, huh?
but i'm gonna be really up front with all you jersey freaks out there...
and if you're ready for the truth about what you're getting all stoked about...
then i'm ready to tell you.
you are getting worked up over a
white mesh t-shirt...
with a shiny blue number.
that's.
it.
bet you feel pretty special to be wearing one now, huh?
I heard two girls talking, they were both wearing football jerseys...
and one looked at the other and said, "well, next week I'M wearing _____'s jersey!!"
now this whole football jersey has always sort of confused me.
and maybe because i'm seeing it from the outside in since i've never worn one before.
but girls literally get all worked up over this?
to those of you out there reading this, if you've worn a jersey before...
don't act like at one time you haven't been a little worked up about it before.
you know, when you like a guy, and you really want his jersey, and then on friday, you see some other girl wearing it?
bummer, huh?
but i'm gonna be really up front with all you jersey freaks out there...
and if you're ready for the truth about what you're getting all stoked about...
then i'm ready to tell you.
you are getting worked up over a
white mesh t-shirt...
with a shiny blue number.
that's.
it.
bet you feel pretty special to be wearing one now, huh?
Friday, August 19, 2011
how to start over and let go.
so i 've never really done a "How to" before...and I never really planned on it.
But you'll see why I am pretty soon.
to make a long story short on the way home from Ecuador I accidentally left my journal that I had been writing in for the past 8 months in on my plane. it is gone now and every little thing i wrote since november until july 18th is gone. and writing to me is super important. when i have a journal, it is practically a book of secrets. i write every little thing in my journals, and i have since 7th grade. that journal was my 6th, but now i have to have a new 6th. which i haven't started yet. and i'll get to that reason, too. my friends always tell me when i try to remember something "i don't know, look it up in your journal." and there it is. the answer to my question. the answer to who said what, who did what, where it happened, when...all of it is there. and when my host mom told me that she felt like i was losing my best friend when i lost it...i realized she was right.
i thought for sure at first that i left it in the apartment i stayed at in guayaquil, everyone was banking on it being there. a couple weeks later i learn that it's not there. and a week after that. it hit me that i had left it on my plane. i called miami airport lost and found over and over and over and never got an answer. and just recently, one day, i did. it's not at a lost and found. and i wont get it back. whether it is thrown away or in someone else's hands. it will never be in mine where i really want it to be.
and it might sound pathetic, and you might laugh...but if you knew me, you would understand why i cried so hard when i found out it was gone. i wrote in there while i was in ecuador, and my second host sister wrote me notes in there in spanish.
the day i found out that the search for it was over and that nothing could be done, i called my friend and had explained to her that it's gone. she didn't have much to say, which i sort of expected because there really isn't much to say besides "wow, that sucks."
after being miserable for 2 days about it. and after thinking about it. it sort of started to make sense. i'm not really one of those people who believes in "signs" of things. or all that fate stuff. or destiny or whatever you would like to call it. but long story short, i had a lot of rough stuff happen to me towards the end of my trip. (nothing there) mostly like drama with other people. (well, one person...and if you someday find this, buddy...i hope you know that you are a jerk and deserve to be alone.)
my friend kept telling me how much she thought it would be good for me to start over. and how it would be so easy to let go of the bad things that happened throughout my junior year and time writing in that journal. every thing really made sense. i realized i should start writing again, and write everything about ecuador and in regards to the other months throughout junior year...i don't need to remember specifics. because in reality: whatever i remember is what's important and matters to me anyway.
another thing that i find pretty spectacular is my 365 project, i can use it to help me remember what happened when. some pictures correspond with events. others i just remember the day of taking it and what happened that day.
so here is my HOW TO part...(if you're expecting something super moving, emotional, something that will change your life etc...you are in the wrong spot, my friend.)
1. stop holding grudges: the journals for me make it hard to let go because i can read back on exactly what people said and did. and then it's hard to forget. so irregardless of whether you write or not. stop holding grudges. you gain nothing from them at all. quit fooling yourself into thinking it's helpful.
2. eliminate people from your life who don't deserve a place in it: self-explanatory.
3. SAY YOU'RE SORRY. it costs nothing. if you have anything to be sorry for, just say so. it costs you absolutely nothing. and you lose nothing either. in fact, you will feel better. i promise.
4. figure out what matters to you...or who matters to you. and then stop worrying about everybody else.
5. take risks. if you want to get to know someone better, you better start it now. because they might never know.
6. ask questions: if you never ask. the answer is always "no"
7. forgive yourself. whatever happened in the past doesn't matter now because you can't rewind time to fix your mistakes. you can't rewind time for anything.
because if we could rewind time, i'd probably go back and get my journal. :)
But you'll see why I am pretty soon.
to make a long story short on the way home from Ecuador I accidentally left my journal that I had been writing in for the past 8 months in on my plane. it is gone now and every little thing i wrote since november until july 18th is gone. and writing to me is super important. when i have a journal, it is practically a book of secrets. i write every little thing in my journals, and i have since 7th grade. that journal was my 6th, but now i have to have a new 6th. which i haven't started yet. and i'll get to that reason, too. my friends always tell me when i try to remember something "i don't know, look it up in your journal." and there it is. the answer to my question. the answer to who said what, who did what, where it happened, when...all of it is there. and when my host mom told me that she felt like i was losing my best friend when i lost it...i realized she was right.
i thought for sure at first that i left it in the apartment i stayed at in guayaquil, everyone was banking on it being there. a couple weeks later i learn that it's not there. and a week after that. it hit me that i had left it on my plane. i called miami airport lost and found over and over and over and never got an answer. and just recently, one day, i did. it's not at a lost and found. and i wont get it back. whether it is thrown away or in someone else's hands. it will never be in mine where i really want it to be.
and it might sound pathetic, and you might laugh...but if you knew me, you would understand why i cried so hard when i found out it was gone. i wrote in there while i was in ecuador, and my second host sister wrote me notes in there in spanish.
the day i found out that the search for it was over and that nothing could be done, i called my friend and had explained to her that it's gone. she didn't have much to say, which i sort of expected because there really isn't much to say besides "wow, that sucks."
after being miserable for 2 days about it. and after thinking about it. it sort of started to make sense. i'm not really one of those people who believes in "signs" of things. or all that fate stuff. or destiny or whatever you would like to call it. but long story short, i had a lot of rough stuff happen to me towards the end of my trip. (nothing there) mostly like drama with other people. (well, one person...and if you someday find this, buddy...i hope you know that you are a jerk and deserve to be alone.)
my friend kept telling me how much she thought it would be good for me to start over. and how it would be so easy to let go of the bad things that happened throughout my junior year and time writing in that journal. every thing really made sense. i realized i should start writing again, and write everything about ecuador and in regards to the other months throughout junior year...i don't need to remember specifics. because in reality: whatever i remember is what's important and matters to me anyway.
another thing that i find pretty spectacular is my 365 project, i can use it to help me remember what happened when. some pictures correspond with events. others i just remember the day of taking it and what happened that day.
so here is my HOW TO part...(if you're expecting something super moving, emotional, something that will change your life etc...you are in the wrong spot, my friend.)
1. stop holding grudges: the journals for me make it hard to let go because i can read back on exactly what people said and did. and then it's hard to forget. so irregardless of whether you write or not. stop holding grudges. you gain nothing from them at all. quit fooling yourself into thinking it's helpful.
2. eliminate people from your life who don't deserve a place in it: self-explanatory.
3. SAY YOU'RE SORRY. it costs nothing. if you have anything to be sorry for, just say so. it costs you absolutely nothing. and you lose nothing either. in fact, you will feel better. i promise.
4. figure out what matters to you...or who matters to you. and then stop worrying about everybody else.
5. take risks. if you want to get to know someone better, you better start it now. because they might never know.
6. ask questions: if you never ask. the answer is always "no"
7. forgive yourself. whatever happened in the past doesn't matter now because you can't rewind time to fix your mistakes. you can't rewind time for anything.
because if we could rewind time, i'd probably go back and get my journal. :)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
neck pains/awkward parties/accomplisments and a "how to"
seeing as though i haven't blogged in a long time i'll try to remember what's happened but considering that i do a billion things every single day, you might not get every single detail.
i should probably tell you why my title is the way it is...
a few days ago i randomly had this EXTREME neck pain. it felt internally swollen and sore. i really had no idea what it would have come from. all i knew is there was a party that night that i really wanted to go to. when the pain first started i was at my host grandma's house and my host sister (my old host sister's friend) i laid down for a little while and when i woke up it was gone so i figured it was over...which apparently was not the case because it got worse.
when we got back to her house i took some benedryl, watched a movie, drank some tea..and the benedrly hadn't even made me sleepy...i even took 2! my host sister had told me that i should try to get ready for the party and i decided that since my time here was coming to an end i should probably toughen up and go.
my host sister is extremely good at doing my hair and makeup. she did my hair and then told me to go lay down and wait for her to finish doing her hair..then she would do my makeup.
i laid down alright...and the second i laid down i felt myself falling into a deep sleep. 20 minutes later i heard her saying "okay! makeup!" the only thing i could think was "okay! sleep!" my host sister knew very well that there was no way i was going to that party. i climbed into my bed and the second my head hit the pillow i was out like a light.
for the next couple days my stupid neck pain kept hurting me...i missed a party the next night too that i was also planning on attending. i have never had a pain like that before. i dont know what it was or what it came from but i never want it again.
i now live with my old host sister's friend...maria cecilia. she is 17 and has 2 younger sisters. Sofi, who is 14 and Carolina...who goes by "caro" and she is 5. so i have always wanted an older sister..and a younger one...and now, i get both. and the best part is that my older sister shares all of her clothes and stuff with me so i basically feel like we're actually sisters. which is going to make it super hard to leave.
last night i went to a party and it was probably the most awkward party ever...hardly anyone was dancing which was weird because everyone here dances...i was super tired i hardly got any sleep before and EVERYONE wanted to talk to me and ask me questions.
one of the guys i had met at my old host sister's birthday party was there and he introduced me to a guy who lived in texas for awhile so he spoke english. he started to dance with me which was fine and then he said "im kind of a bad dancer" all of the guys here are super good at dancing so i just pulled the whole "haha its okay" ...but it wasn't. he. was. bad. he was so extremely awkward! i dont even think he was dancing to the beat of the music it was like he was playing one of those dance-dance revolution games. he also was holding me like we were doing some sort of walz....i think now is a good time for me to "go to the bathroom"
which is now where i present to you....
HOW TO AVOID DANCING WITH GUYS THAT ARE AWKWARD!:
1. Try this..."Do you want to dance?" "No, I think I'm gonna go eat." Avoid him for the rest of the party.
2. Pretend you don't know what he's saying. He's speaking a foreign language so it's expected that you won't always understand.
3. Dancing is against your religion...
4. Randomly stop dancing with him and hug the girl next to you acting like you haven't seen her in ages.
5. If he starts smoking...start coughing (this one works)
6. "Do you want to drink?" "If it'll make you leave me alone." (Take the drink but don't drink it.
7. "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I'm actually engaged."
and if none of those work you should probably leave the party.
and now...
my accomplishments since i've been here
1. i can understand what people are saying when theyre having a conversation...sort of.
2. i can get in a car and not wear my seatbelt...and not worry about it.
3. i can identify something clearly...color...shapes...designs.
4. i can dance like they do here.
5. i can quickly answer basic questions: how old are you, where are you from, what do you do for fun, do you have a boyfriend, do you drink, do you smoke...etc.
6. i can tell someone when i'm hungry or thirsty and what i want.
7. i can tell someone when something hurts me and what i need to make it better.
8. i can explain to someone why i have to take malaria pills.
9. i can speak spanish quickly and not speak EXTREMELY slow.
10. i can ask someone where we are going, what time we will be home...why we are going there.
11. i can ask someone how they slept.
12. i can tell someone i need to shower.
13. i can tell someone my clothes are dirty.
14. i can eat just about anything...i am pretty sure i've had about 3420394823094 different soups while here.
15. i can tell someone to give me something.
16. i can tell someone when i need something and what i need
17. i can tell someone how a party was, who was there, what it was like and what music was played.
18. i can deal with altitudes of 10,000ft AND live there for a month. BOOYA
19. i can leave my friends, family, dog...and guitar for a month.
20. i can fly abroad alone.
21. i walk on rocks in the mountains by a river and not die...OR break my camera.
22. i can responsibly handle excessive amounts of money and saving it (this is a huge accomplishment for me)
23. i can say no to drinking even when everyone else around me is doing it.
so basically i'm pretty awesome and i'm gonna be flying home in 5 days! see y'all soooon!!
i should probably tell you why my title is the way it is...
a few days ago i randomly had this EXTREME neck pain. it felt internally swollen and sore. i really had no idea what it would have come from. all i knew is there was a party that night that i really wanted to go to. when the pain first started i was at my host grandma's house and my host sister (my old host sister's friend) i laid down for a little while and when i woke up it was gone so i figured it was over...which apparently was not the case because it got worse.
when we got back to her house i took some benedryl, watched a movie, drank some tea..and the benedrly hadn't even made me sleepy...i even took 2! my host sister had told me that i should try to get ready for the party and i decided that since my time here was coming to an end i should probably toughen up and go.
my host sister is extremely good at doing my hair and makeup. she did my hair and then told me to go lay down and wait for her to finish doing her hair..then she would do my makeup.
i laid down alright...and the second i laid down i felt myself falling into a deep sleep. 20 minutes later i heard her saying "okay! makeup!" the only thing i could think was "okay! sleep!" my host sister knew very well that there was no way i was going to that party. i climbed into my bed and the second my head hit the pillow i was out like a light.
for the next couple days my stupid neck pain kept hurting me...i missed a party the next night too that i was also planning on attending. i have never had a pain like that before. i dont know what it was or what it came from but i never want it again.
i now live with my old host sister's friend...maria cecilia. she is 17 and has 2 younger sisters. Sofi, who is 14 and Carolina...who goes by "caro" and she is 5. so i have always wanted an older sister..and a younger one...and now, i get both. and the best part is that my older sister shares all of her clothes and stuff with me so i basically feel like we're actually sisters. which is going to make it super hard to leave.
last night i went to a party and it was probably the most awkward party ever...hardly anyone was dancing which was weird because everyone here dances...i was super tired i hardly got any sleep before and EVERYONE wanted to talk to me and ask me questions.
one of the guys i had met at my old host sister's birthday party was there and he introduced me to a guy who lived in texas for awhile so he spoke english. he started to dance with me which was fine and then he said "im kind of a bad dancer" all of the guys here are super good at dancing so i just pulled the whole "haha its okay" ...but it wasn't. he. was. bad. he was so extremely awkward! i dont even think he was dancing to the beat of the music it was like he was playing one of those dance-dance revolution games. he also was holding me like we were doing some sort of walz....i think now is a good time for me to "go to the bathroom"
which is now where i present to you....
HOW TO AVOID DANCING WITH GUYS THAT ARE AWKWARD!:
1. Try this..."Do you want to dance?" "No, I think I'm gonna go eat." Avoid him for the rest of the party.
2. Pretend you don't know what he's saying. He's speaking a foreign language so it's expected that you won't always understand.
3. Dancing is against your religion...
4. Randomly stop dancing with him and hug the girl next to you acting like you haven't seen her in ages.
5. If he starts smoking...start coughing (this one works)
6. "Do you want to drink?" "If it'll make you leave me alone." (Take the drink but don't drink it.
7. "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I'm actually engaged."
and if none of those work you should probably leave the party.
and now...
my accomplishments since i've been here
1. i can understand what people are saying when theyre having a conversation...sort of.
2. i can get in a car and not wear my seatbelt...and not worry about it.
3. i can identify something clearly...color...shapes...designs.
4. i can dance like they do here.
5. i can quickly answer basic questions: how old are you, where are you from, what do you do for fun, do you have a boyfriend, do you drink, do you smoke...etc.
6. i can tell someone when i'm hungry or thirsty and what i want.
7. i can tell someone when something hurts me and what i need to make it better.
8. i can explain to someone why i have to take malaria pills.
9. i can speak spanish quickly and not speak EXTREMELY slow.
10. i can ask someone where we are going, what time we will be home...why we are going there.
11. i can ask someone how they slept.
12. i can tell someone i need to shower.
13. i can tell someone my clothes are dirty.
14. i can eat just about anything...i am pretty sure i've had about 3420394823094 different soups while here.
15. i can tell someone to give me something.
16. i can tell someone when i need something and what i need
17. i can tell someone how a party was, who was there, what it was like and what music was played.
18. i can deal with altitudes of 10,000ft AND live there for a month. BOOYA
19. i can leave my friends, family, dog...and guitar for a month.
20. i can fly abroad alone.
21. i walk on rocks in the mountains by a river and not die...OR break my camera.
22. i can responsibly handle excessive amounts of money and saving it (this is a huge accomplishment for me)
23. i can say no to drinking even when everyone else around me is doing it.
so basically i'm pretty awesome and i'm gonna be flying home in 5 days! see y'all soooon!!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
she moves in her own way
last night i spent the night at my friend maria cecilia's house and we had a ton of fun. her house is right next to the river so you can hear it from her room. when you look out the window you can see it! so last night i got to fall asleep to the sounds of a river and it was sooooo amazing.
anyway..
i now don't really HAVE a host family...
i guess my first host family wasn't getting along with me or something weird like that...who knows.
apparently i was too shy.
ha...ashley...shy...hahahahah
to those of you who truly know me, you know that i am everything but shy.
you will never hear the words "ashley is" and "shy" in a sentence together unless the word "not" is in between.
alright. lets stop talking about how i'm not shy.
so i live with my host sister's (not host sister anymore) aunt. and she is a photographer with 3 younger kids.
all of them are super fun to be around and they make learning spanish really fun and exciting and it's also fun because i get to teach them english!
tomorrow i leave for camping in the mountains until sunday with my friend maria cecilia and after i return i come back to my host aunts house...i'm not sure if i should now just title her my host mom? orrrrrr????? i'll open the doors to suggestions so y'all can help me choose.
today my host aunt (mom?) took me shopping at some of the markets here. i only spent $20 and i got a TON of little things. everything i bought was no more than $3 except for a scarf i bought which was $13. i would say i made some really good purchases and my momma would be proud because i was verrryyyy good about saving my money. (hey mom, glad to see you found my blog on your own this time...or maybe not..we'll have to see)
i have only two weeks left here in this country and i have learned SOOOO much over the past 3 weeks. i have even made a note on my ipod of all of the new words and phrases i have learned. my host aunt's (mom's?) little kids all laugh at me because to them those words and phrases are just so simple.
the neighborhood i live in has security guards and a couple weeks ago i asked my friend maria cecilia why i hear them blowing their whistles at night..she wasn't able to translate but i just figured it was because someone was doing something they weren't supposed to so they blew their whistles. apparently i was wrong because today i asked my host aunt (mom?) and she said the guard blows his whistle so the people know that he is awake and doing his job since he works all night. i now find hearing that whistle rather comforting, actually.
this paragraph of my blog is probably going to make some of you really jealous and want to move to ecuador..but i'm gonna tell ya anyway that gas here is only $1.08 and the most expensive gas is $2. :)
i titled this post what i did because i feel like my first host family didn't understand that it was going to take me time to adjust to a new culture and language. i also don't like to try every new food i see right away all at once. i want to be introduced to things slowly so i know what i (and my stomach) like and don't like. i was also super overwhelmed with the language when i got here. to those of you who have never traveled abroad before i am here to tell you it is CRAZY. EVERYTHING is in spanish. maybe a little english here or there but you don't pick up on what people are talking about for awhile and you feel super left out!
now that i have been here awhile the spanish is getting sooooooooo much easier, it's much easier to process what people are saying and you start to pick up on the popular phrases people use to start conversation. i also have a translator on my ipod and let me tell you, it is my favorite app EVER...whenever i hear something over and over that i don't understand i translate it. my little host cousin (now little host sister?) has taught me a lot of spanish. she likes to point at things as she says them so it helps me put two and two together and all of her phrases she helps me understand. and it's even more rewarding when i get to USE the phrases.
i feel like i haven't really talked about the culture here...so i might as well tell you what i have learned..which is quite a bit. brace yourself.
when you greet someone and leave someone you kiss them on the cheek. you don't actually kiss their cheek though, you just touch cheeks and make the kissing sound. which me coming from united states was super awkward at first..but kinda cool when i get an almost kiss on the cheek from cute guys here...just sayin. though when guys greet and leave each other they shake hands or high five or something guyish.
most people assume "adios" is how people here say goodbye...but it actually isn't used. they say "ciao" pronounced like "chow" and when i said adios people were a little thrown off guard. i think its a more formal way of goodbye. like we say goodbye...or just bye. and i think adios is goodbye and ciao is bye...but dont quote me on that one.
foods here are very different. the fruits are all aaaaamaaaazzzziiiiinnnnngggg and the juices are all hand made with fruits and they are SUPER good. i love the juices and i am going to miss them a lot. they eat soup for lunch usually. i am almost pretty sure they make soup out of everything. today i had soup with egg in it and it was really good. you'd think it wouldn't be but it was!!
most of the families here have maids.. i think i might have already said this. but they clean and cook for you. and do your laundry. which is super magic. you just put your clothes in a bin and when you wake up they're gone and when you come back in your room they're folded on your bed! when i told my host aunt (mom?) that in wisconsin it isn't common she said that it's common here because it is so cheap. it's only $200 a month for them to work everyday all week for you.
here they also have doors where you press a button and then someone inside answers a phone type thing...they'll ask who it is and you say who you are and then the door electronically opens when they press a button. that i also find pretty magic.
they do not have basements here. because storms here are never severe. which for me is AWESOME! no tornadoes or any massive storm would ever make it over the andes mountains so i have nothing to worry about. it does rain here a lot. but when it rains it is only for 15 minutes tops. the problem is that sometimes it rains and then stops...and then 10 minutes later starts again.
you can also drive an hour and a half south of a city and it will be a totally different climate. yungilla, where i stayed this past weekend was warmer than here in cuenca. these people here think that 50s is "cold"...i think it's totally fine...then again, i am from a state where "cold" is below 32.
tomorrow i am leaving with my friend maria cecilia to go camping in the mountains until sunday, and then i come back to live with my host aunt (mom?) for the rest of my time here.
i miss my friends and family but i am glad that i have finally found a place where i can stay and be happy and comfortable. :) i will write as soon as i can!!
ciao!
ashley
anyway..
i now don't really HAVE a host family...
i guess my first host family wasn't getting along with me or something weird like that...who knows.
apparently i was too shy.
ha...ashley...shy...hahahahah
to those of you who truly know me, you know that i am everything but shy.
you will never hear the words "ashley is" and "shy" in a sentence together unless the word "not" is in between.
alright. lets stop talking about how i'm not shy.
so i live with my host sister's (not host sister anymore) aunt. and she is a photographer with 3 younger kids.
all of them are super fun to be around and they make learning spanish really fun and exciting and it's also fun because i get to teach them english!
tomorrow i leave for camping in the mountains until sunday with my friend maria cecilia and after i return i come back to my host aunts house...i'm not sure if i should now just title her my host mom? orrrrrr????? i'll open the doors to suggestions so y'all can help me choose.
today my host aunt (mom?) took me shopping at some of the markets here. i only spent $20 and i got a TON of little things. everything i bought was no more than $3 except for a scarf i bought which was $13. i would say i made some really good purchases and my momma would be proud because i was verrryyyy good about saving my money. (hey mom, glad to see you found my blog on your own this time...or maybe not..we'll have to see)
i have only two weeks left here in this country and i have learned SOOOO much over the past 3 weeks. i have even made a note on my ipod of all of the new words and phrases i have learned. my host aunt's (mom's?) little kids all laugh at me because to them those words and phrases are just so simple.
the neighborhood i live in has security guards and a couple weeks ago i asked my friend maria cecilia why i hear them blowing their whistles at night..she wasn't able to translate but i just figured it was because someone was doing something they weren't supposed to so they blew their whistles. apparently i was wrong because today i asked my host aunt (mom?) and she said the guard blows his whistle so the people know that he is awake and doing his job since he works all night. i now find hearing that whistle rather comforting, actually.
this paragraph of my blog is probably going to make some of you really jealous and want to move to ecuador..but i'm gonna tell ya anyway that gas here is only $1.08 and the most expensive gas is $2. :)
i titled this post what i did because i feel like my first host family didn't understand that it was going to take me time to adjust to a new culture and language. i also don't like to try every new food i see right away all at once. i want to be introduced to things slowly so i know what i (and my stomach) like and don't like. i was also super overwhelmed with the language when i got here. to those of you who have never traveled abroad before i am here to tell you it is CRAZY. EVERYTHING is in spanish. maybe a little english here or there but you don't pick up on what people are talking about for awhile and you feel super left out!
now that i have been here awhile the spanish is getting sooooooooo much easier, it's much easier to process what people are saying and you start to pick up on the popular phrases people use to start conversation. i also have a translator on my ipod and let me tell you, it is my favorite app EVER...whenever i hear something over and over that i don't understand i translate it. my little host cousin (now little host sister?) has taught me a lot of spanish. she likes to point at things as she says them so it helps me put two and two together and all of her phrases she helps me understand. and it's even more rewarding when i get to USE the phrases.
i feel like i haven't really talked about the culture here...so i might as well tell you what i have learned..which is quite a bit. brace yourself.
when you greet someone and leave someone you kiss them on the cheek. you don't actually kiss their cheek though, you just touch cheeks and make the kissing sound. which me coming from united states was super awkward at first..but kinda cool when i get an almost kiss on the cheek from cute guys here...just sayin. though when guys greet and leave each other they shake hands or high five or something guyish.
most people assume "adios" is how people here say goodbye...but it actually isn't used. they say "ciao" pronounced like "chow" and when i said adios people were a little thrown off guard. i think its a more formal way of goodbye. like we say goodbye...or just bye. and i think adios is goodbye and ciao is bye...but dont quote me on that one.
foods here are very different. the fruits are all aaaaamaaaazzzziiiiinnnnngggg and the juices are all hand made with fruits and they are SUPER good. i love the juices and i am going to miss them a lot. they eat soup for lunch usually. i am almost pretty sure they make soup out of everything. today i had soup with egg in it and it was really good. you'd think it wouldn't be but it was!!
most of the families here have maids.. i think i might have already said this. but they clean and cook for you. and do your laundry. which is super magic. you just put your clothes in a bin and when you wake up they're gone and when you come back in your room they're folded on your bed! when i told my host aunt (mom?) that in wisconsin it isn't common she said that it's common here because it is so cheap. it's only $200 a month for them to work everyday all week for you.
here they also have doors where you press a button and then someone inside answers a phone type thing...they'll ask who it is and you say who you are and then the door electronically opens when they press a button. that i also find pretty magic.
they do not have basements here. because storms here are never severe. which for me is AWESOME! no tornadoes or any massive storm would ever make it over the andes mountains so i have nothing to worry about. it does rain here a lot. but when it rains it is only for 15 minutes tops. the problem is that sometimes it rains and then stops...and then 10 minutes later starts again.
you can also drive an hour and a half south of a city and it will be a totally different climate. yungilla, where i stayed this past weekend was warmer than here in cuenca. these people here think that 50s is "cold"...i think it's totally fine...then again, i am from a state where "cold" is below 32.
tomorrow i am leaving with my friend maria cecilia to go camping in the mountains until sunday, and then i come back to live with my host aunt (mom?) for the rest of my time here.
i miss my friends and family but i am glad that i have finally found a place where i can stay and be happy and comfortable. :) i will write as soon as i can!!
ciao!
ashley
Sunday, July 3, 2011
stepping stones (literally)
so before i tell you today's main story..i might as well back up and tell you what's gone on since i've last written.
i helped photograph a bride for some bridal portraits which was super super fun and really good for me since i want to be a photographer.
and i took a bus tour around cuenca. which was pretty cool.
so, today...actually all weekend i stayed in yunguilla at my host grandparents huge house thing. i keep telling everyone it's a resort because it practically is. they have an underground pool (if that's what you call pools that are built into the ground?? and they also have a porch which over looks the mountains and you can pretty much see everything. i went there once before when i photographed the peacock..and the first time i wasn't feeling so hot because this place is a little higher up than cuenca. and i was still battling that stupid altitude sickness.
anyway, today my host cousins who are all fairly younger than me..invited me to go with them to the river. my host aunt told me that i should go and that it's really cool. she said "its just like a little creek!" which i figured out later on was a understatement.
my host cousin who had to have been 12 or 13 had helped me the whole entire trip to this little waterfall. i was accompanied by 5 kids... when i asked her how far it would be when we first left she said "ohh about 5 minutes" and later on she said "only a few hours" (HOURS??!!!!!) i figured since they were all pretty young, we probably weren't going anywhere too dangerous, and when i grabbed my camera they all looked at me and said i'd get wet. my host aunt told me i'd be fine and that i just need to be careful. (another understatement/lie)
we went on our way and started walking down the driveway. i followed my host cousins down a little trail..which then got very steep and my host brother took my camera so he could hold on to it for me...which was good because shortly after i took a little slide down that dirt hill. we walked (well, they walked, i slid on my butt) down this steep hill for a few minutes. finally, we reached flat ground, we walked past a beat up shed..that looked like it was once a house...super creepy, i didn't look inside. in my head i was thinking "just keep walking, just keep walking" my host cousin, ariana, the one who helped me the whole time then said "as we get closer it is going to get more difficult." ughhh..can we just go back to the house already!? my nice pair of american eagle jeans that had been hand me downs were covered in dirt on the butt and my cute DC shoes that were not cheap looked like i had walked in poop. awesome.
after walking past the shed and following my little leaders around for a good 20 minutes, i found myself at a huge drop where i could see the river. YES! WE'RE HERE! ...nope. just kidding. after being ordered to jump a good 3 feet down i realized that what they wanted was to walk up the river (on the rocks/boulders on the side) to a very high point with a waterfall. they wanted to swim there. i didn't bring my swimming suit because i figured it'd just a be a little creek and i could take pictures.
i really regret not wearing my swimming suit and even more so i regret wearing jeans and a thick t-shirt. i was SO HOT. the scariest part for me was having to jump from rock to rock across the river. being a little city girl this was super difficult for me. where i come from a "creek" has just about no current at all and you can pretty much cross it by barely stretching your leg out. then again, my city, or state, or country is nothing like where i am at right now.
i found myself always holding the group up and slowing them down because it always took me two minutes two jump from rock to rock. either that or one of the boys who tagged along had to backtrack to where i was to reach out his hand to help me.
after safely managing to make it some way up the mountain, i eventually did get my feet wet. in shoes. and socks. gross. after awhile of walking with one wet foot, i did get the other one wet. and when that happened i sort of was okay with it. because this meant that instead of slowing the group down by taking forever to jump...i could just walk across the river!! and every time someone would say "jump, ashley!" i could smile and just say, "nope!" everyone seemed to find my tactic quite amusing, i thought it was pretty clever...until i found myself walking in knee high water. now my jeans are not only dirty, but wet.
i found myself on top of a huge boulder that i was supposed to jump off of. everyone in our little group had already done so and now they were all screaming in both spanish and english "jump, ashley!! jump!!" or "vamos! salta!" which is "let's go! jump!!" the only thing that i could think of in my head was "here you are ashley...this is where you are going...to die." i could see it now...the most popular news channel in wisconsin covering a story about a foreign exchange student dying in the mountains. and just when i thought i couldn't scare myself anymore. i jumped.
i landed alright. hard. got a few little rocks jabbed in my hands and my ankles hurt a little. moving on.
eventually, i found myself propped up against another boulder heavily breathing and asking my host cousin how much farther. expecting a simple "2 minutes" i got "about an hour" this is a joke. i want to go back. they all somehow convinced me that where we were going lead us to the house...which i later discovered was 100% bullcrap. (i'll refrain from swearing since i know my mom would be upset.....you're welcome mom.) although, my shoes and pants probably did smell like bull shit. (sorry, mom) my host cousin then said "you have to go faster because if you do not hurry the night will come and it will get dark." that's right!!! here in ecuador it's dark by 7! i had no idea what time it was but once again i got a vision in my head of me dying in the mountains because it was dark out and i would fall in the river and die. yup. that's what it's gonna be. that's how i'm gonna die.
after another hour of slipping and falling and practically dying, and getting more wet and being afraid of water snakes and whatever animals live in the fricking mountains we made it! sort of..my host brother pointed at a huge wall of pure rock and said "we climb." uhhh...we what???? i looked at him and did some sign language for climbing which probably made me look like i was mentally unstable, however, it got the point across and we were indeed climbing up this rock wall. which was just the inside of a mountain. okay, okay...THIS is where i'm gonna die. i'm gonna try climbing up this wall, slip and fall backwards into the river and crack my skull on a rock. yup. that's it. that's how i'm gonna go. peace out, everyone.
nope. with the help of the 4 boys that were with me...all much younger than me..i made it. even though it was awkward because they had to push on my butt. i was just glad to me alive and well. when we reached the waterfall they had all wanted to swim in, i had totally regret not wearing my swimming suit underneath my clothes. they all suggested i just swim in my clothes, but that sounded gross to hike all the way back home in. however, i did my fair share of swimming..without getting my top half wet.
my host brother started splashing me. it was super cold and i started screaming. he then directed me to where the sun was shining. i sat there for quite awhile drying off. my shirt dried off but my pants and shoes...well, they might still be wet right NOW! i felt like i should've been singing "i'm not a girl, not yet a woman" by britney spears...if you haven't seen the music video go look it up.
we of course had to go back to the house, meaning i had to climb down the rocks, and re-do everything i did to get there but backwards. there was a waterfall below the waterfall we swam at..and i had my host brother take a picture of me standing in front of it..i attached it to this post for you all to see! jumping was easier, and so was walking through the water...and then it started to rain. i was more worried about the safety of my camera than i was for myself (typical ashley for ya)
when we reached the entrance of our little trail to go back home i was SO excited. but i had totally forgot how steep it was. since it was wet, it was slippery and i kept falling. i was SO TIRED, HUNGRY, THIRSTY AND FRUSTRATED!! everyone kept laughing at me because i was falling and screaming and cursing. it was insane. we found a little shelter to sit under while the rain passed which only took about 10 minutes. and then we continued home. we did finally make it there. and i was SO hungry. and tired. i still am tired. i'm probably going to sleep like a baby tonight.
who knows what tomorrow will bring. all i know is i was mad at the time that i went to the river but now that it's over i'm sooo glad i went. it was good excersice and an awesome adventure! :)
Peace. and HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
she speaks english
today i woke up at the same time as always. 11:30am.
just like everyday i had breakfast.
but then my host family and i all packed into one vehicle and were on our way "into town" whatever that meant..either way...we were leaving our city. Cuenca.
i brought my camera and carried it in it's case since it was raining in the morning.
i also brought my ipod since i had a feeling the car ride might be a good hour or so.
we entered another city with some weird name that i forget..but just like everything else..
it looked like a totally different city than cuenca.
there were stray dogs everywhere..just like in cuenca.
bu the way people dressed was different.
after stopping at where i thought we were going to walk around and shop..
we got back in the car and drove the way we came into the city as if we were leaving.
we stopped at a gas station and i had to use the bathroom. which was located outside.
and it was the most disgusting bathroom i've ever entered in my whole entire 16 (almost 17) years of living. it smelled horrible and i literally did everything in there with my feet. i refused to touch anything. at this point it had stopped raining.of course, when i came out my host sister started laughing and when we walked back to the car i saw that my host mom and brothers were also laughing at me and my facial expressions upon leaving that bathroom. my oldest host brother looked at me and said "how was it?" and the only thing i could do was make a disgusted facial expression. when my host dad got into the car and asked why we were all laughing..my host sister explained and all he could say was, "welcome to a third world country"
i tried a couple different fruits today and a coconut juice..and also a thing that looked like a pancake but wasnt. the first fruit i had already tried once before but i figured i try it again...and i didn't like it and my host sister knew from the first time i tried it that it was not tasty to me at all. at this point it had stopped raining.
we stopped and ate at a restaurant. i ate chicken. and drank sprite that came in a glass bottle. after looking down at my chicken to take a bite i noticed through the transparent table that a dog had just ran under it...this restaurant had its door open so a little stray dog walked in and out as he/she pleased. and after another few minutes, i looked around the restaurant to see a chicken walking around picking up scraps. i automatically put on a confused face because things like that don't happen in wisconsin and my host mom just said "the first time i saw that i had the same thought"
after driving around and my host dad stopping what felt like every block to ask for directions to go somewhere (i didn't know where we were trying to go..i either had my ipod in or didn't understand what they were saying)
after another 30 minutes or so of driving around, we stopped at a place to ride go-karts...naturally, i was EXTREMELY excited because i love go-karts...but at the same time i was also nervous because it seems like those "rare occasions" where someone is injured while abroad...would happen to me...things like that always happen to me. worth the risk though!
after my host dad, brothers, sister and i all got into our go-karts one of the workers there came over and attempted to explain to me in spanish how to operate the thing. he was using hand motions too but i felt like a bobble head because i just kept nodding even though most of the time, just like always, i had absolutely no idea what he was saying. i knew that the right pedal was go and the left was stop...i didnt really think there was much else for me to know. but after he turned to one of the other co-workers and said "ella habla ingles" (she speaks english) i knew maybe there was something else.
after my host mom and dad translated for me...i realized i had pretty much understood most of what the man had said. the only thing that made me nervous was that there were no seatbelts on these go-karts and that the helmet i was wearing didn't buckle because the buckle was broken. awesome.
they started the go-karts and all of my host family that was driving (everyone except my host mom) took of super fast. i figured since i really didn't feel like dying and i didnt know what i was doing...i should probably take it slow and play on the safe side. i kept getting lapped, and i drove REALLY slow around the corners. my host sister and her brothers were absolute maniacs and my oldest host brother hit me at least 4 times and then was removed from the course (hahahahaha) i could tell my host sister was laughing at me for driving so slow but shortly after i got to do the laughing because she ran into the tires that outlined the track. i'm STILL laughing about it when i think of it because the look on her face when she realized what happened was priceless. on the last lap i sped up a little more and had more fun because i was driving faster, but when i turned the corner and slid a little i decided it'd be best to go back to being a loser and driving slow. :P
when we finally did stop to shop somewhere it was just a little shoe store with fasionable boots that my host mom and sister each bought a pair of. i really wanted to buy a pair, too seeing as though they were super cute and i've always wanted a cute pair of boots...but i knew that later on i'd find something just as cute that wasn't sold in america and i'd regret buying the boots there.
we walked through some open air markets that sold fruits and vegetables. we didn't ever really stop to look..we just kept walking and walking. and the only thing i could think to myself was "and i brought my camera today because.....??"
it gets dark here at about 6 so at about 5:30 we headed back to cuenca and were going home. i'm just as tired as i am everyday, but this city never sleeps and there is never silence. you will never hear absolutely nothing happening outside which is different for me since i come from an extremely tiny town.
more soon!
ashley
just like everyday i had breakfast.
but then my host family and i all packed into one vehicle and were on our way "into town" whatever that meant..either way...we were leaving our city. Cuenca.
i brought my camera and carried it in it's case since it was raining in the morning.
i also brought my ipod since i had a feeling the car ride might be a good hour or so.
we entered another city with some weird name that i forget..but just like everything else..
it looked like a totally different city than cuenca.
there were stray dogs everywhere..just like in cuenca.
bu the way people dressed was different.
after stopping at where i thought we were going to walk around and shop..
we got back in the car and drove the way we came into the city as if we were leaving.
we stopped at a gas station and i had to use the bathroom. which was located outside.
and it was the most disgusting bathroom i've ever entered in my whole entire 16 (almost 17) years of living. it smelled horrible and i literally did everything in there with my feet. i refused to touch anything. at this point it had stopped raining.of course, when i came out my host sister started laughing and when we walked back to the car i saw that my host mom and brothers were also laughing at me and my facial expressions upon leaving that bathroom. my oldest host brother looked at me and said "how was it?" and the only thing i could do was make a disgusted facial expression. when my host dad got into the car and asked why we were all laughing..my host sister explained and all he could say was, "welcome to a third world country"
i tried a couple different fruits today and a coconut juice..and also a thing that looked like a pancake but wasnt. the first fruit i had already tried once before but i figured i try it again...and i didn't like it and my host sister knew from the first time i tried it that it was not tasty to me at all. at this point it had stopped raining.
we stopped and ate at a restaurant. i ate chicken. and drank sprite that came in a glass bottle. after looking down at my chicken to take a bite i noticed through the transparent table that a dog had just ran under it...this restaurant had its door open so a little stray dog walked in and out as he/she pleased. and after another few minutes, i looked around the restaurant to see a chicken walking around picking up scraps. i automatically put on a confused face because things like that don't happen in wisconsin and my host mom just said "the first time i saw that i had the same thought"
after driving around and my host dad stopping what felt like every block to ask for directions to go somewhere (i didn't know where we were trying to go..i either had my ipod in or didn't understand what they were saying)
after another 30 minutes or so of driving around, we stopped at a place to ride go-karts...naturally, i was EXTREMELY excited because i love go-karts...but at the same time i was also nervous because it seems like those "rare occasions" where someone is injured while abroad...would happen to me...things like that always happen to me. worth the risk though!
after my host dad, brothers, sister and i all got into our go-karts one of the workers there came over and attempted to explain to me in spanish how to operate the thing. he was using hand motions too but i felt like a bobble head because i just kept nodding even though most of the time, just like always, i had absolutely no idea what he was saying. i knew that the right pedal was go and the left was stop...i didnt really think there was much else for me to know. but after he turned to one of the other co-workers and said "ella habla ingles" (she speaks english) i knew maybe there was something else.
after my host mom and dad translated for me...i realized i had pretty much understood most of what the man had said. the only thing that made me nervous was that there were no seatbelts on these go-karts and that the helmet i was wearing didn't buckle because the buckle was broken. awesome.
they started the go-karts and all of my host family that was driving (everyone except my host mom) took of super fast. i figured since i really didn't feel like dying and i didnt know what i was doing...i should probably take it slow and play on the safe side. i kept getting lapped, and i drove REALLY slow around the corners. my host sister and her brothers were absolute maniacs and my oldest host brother hit me at least 4 times and then was removed from the course (hahahahaha) i could tell my host sister was laughing at me for driving so slow but shortly after i got to do the laughing because she ran into the tires that outlined the track. i'm STILL laughing about it when i think of it because the look on her face when she realized what happened was priceless. on the last lap i sped up a little more and had more fun because i was driving faster, but when i turned the corner and slid a little i decided it'd be best to go back to being a loser and driving slow. :P
when we finally did stop to shop somewhere it was just a little shoe store with fasionable boots that my host mom and sister each bought a pair of. i really wanted to buy a pair, too seeing as though they were super cute and i've always wanted a cute pair of boots...but i knew that later on i'd find something just as cute that wasn't sold in america and i'd regret buying the boots there.
we walked through some open air markets that sold fruits and vegetables. we didn't ever really stop to look..we just kept walking and walking. and the only thing i could think to myself was "and i brought my camera today because.....??"
it gets dark here at about 6 so at about 5:30 we headed back to cuenca and were going home. i'm just as tired as i am everyday, but this city never sleeps and there is never silence. you will never hear absolutely nothing happening outside which is different for me since i come from an extremely tiny town.
more soon!
ashley
Saturday, June 25, 2011
lost on planet ecuador.
i figure since i haven't used this blog in about 50 years i should probably start up again.
seeing as though i'm out of the country.
i'll do my best to tell you all what i've done so far and what it's like. and about the journey here.
...but no promises. ;)
on june 13th i was up at 4am. i was supposed to be up at 5:30, but I was far too excited to sleep. i feel like i only slept about 3 hours that night. partially because i had friends over until 11pm that night and because i had a lot of fun that night too. and obviously, i was excited to be going on an adventure of a lifetime. anyway, i woke up and triple-checked to make sure i had everything. from a toothbrush to my camera. i wanted to make sure there would be nothing that i needed (or thought i needed) left behind.
my mom, great aunt and i had a 3 hour drive to the chicago international airport where we had to hang around for 3 hours to wait for my plane. i was escorted on first because i was an unaccompanied minor. for some reason, i wound up getting business class seats and i was SO excited. i was excited and nervous. no turning back now. we waited on the plane. and waited. and waited. and waited. and eventually the guy next to me said to me "i dont think you're going to make your connecting flight. this flight will be 3 hours and by the time we land..you're plane to guayaquil will be taking off." after another 20 minutes of waiting..a voice over the speaker mentioned a phone number we could call to reschedule our connecting flight. i decided it was time for me to go find a flight attendant to find out what i should do.
she escorted me off of the plane.. luckily, my mom and aunt were still at my gate. we went to the front desk to find out what to do...turns out..my plane had an oil leak and before they had boarded the 251 passengers, they knew that there was something wrong with my plane...as you can imagine, people were angry..missing cruises, weddings, meetings, graduations. everything. i'm glad i was one of the first people off of the plane because before i knew it there was a line forming behind me of angry people waiting to find out what to do. i was going to miss my flight and the next flight to ecuador from miami was the next day.
so. round 2. june 14th...this day my flight from chicago left 2 hours earlier than the one that was going to on the 13th. i knew that i had to go to bed early so i fell asleep at 9 thanks to some benedryl even though i wasnt sick.
i woke up at 5:30 this time. and i was still incredibly tired. i didnt have to check everything again..because my suitcase was already God knows where. some people assumed it would be in miami...while others assumed it was already in Ecuador. I slept the whole entire car ride to chicago and i was only nervous that my plane was going to have problems again.
i was once again, one of the first passengers on the plane, along with the other unaccompanied minors. however, i was the first unaccompanied minor on the plane. all of the flight attendants knew me by name and asked me where i was going. they all thought i was adorable and they were all super nice to me. no business class this time. when i found out my seat wasnt a window seat..i was determined to find someone to trade with me. about 15 minutes after people started boarding a young guy who looked like he was in his mid-twenties sat down by the window seat closest to me. in my sweetest voice possible with a smile i said "umm excuse me? i'm going to be a foreign exchange student to ecuador and i would really like to take pictures out the window of the plane to show my host family once i get there (total lie..i just wanted to take pictures!) would you mind trading with me?" and of course, he traded with me. :) carry-ons were supposed to be kept above the seats in the cabin if they didnt fit below the seat...but knowing that if that were the case for me...i'd be up and down every five seconds..i was determined to make my bag fit below the freaking seat...and i did. i have no idea how...but i did. taking off was so much fun! i was absolutely mind blown at how fast the plane was moving in order for us to take off. to the point where i started laughing. no turning back now.
i sat next to a flight attendant who was done with her shifts and heading home to miami. she was one of the nicest people i met while flying. she gave me ear plugs in case i wanted to sleep on the next flight or on the flights home from ecuador. she talked with me the whole way and was super interested in my love for photography. i had to have taken over 200 pictures on my first flight.
when we landed in miami, the flight attendant who sat next to me told me to have a good trip. i was the last one of the plane because all unaccompanied minors had to be escorted off. all the flight attendants told me to have a good time and they were all super nice. when i walked off the plane to meet my fellow unaccompanied minor friends that were also on the plane..i noticed they were all about the age of 12. and the one who stood out the most..was the one who talked to me..and this is how the conversation went. her: hey! me: hi. hows it going? her: good. how old are you? me: 16. her: oh! you look like your 12! ...thankfully, right after she said that..it was time to be taken to the unaccompanied minors room to hang out for 4 hours and wait for my next flight.
i met a couple kids in that room who were pretty nice and helped me pass the time. i couldnt get the wifi to work on my ipod which was super upsetting. however, my phone still worked so i was able to text my best friend and my mom to tell them that i landed in miami.
i kept asking the women that worked in the unaccompanied minors (let's just call them UMs..k?) room where my suitcase was...and every single time..they would ignore me. they all spoke spanish and english but when they talked to each other it was in spanish...after asking in english where my suitcase should be and they didnt answer...i tried in spanish..finally..a lady came over to me and in english said, "your suitcase should be in ecuador. don't worry about it. it will be there waiting for you." alright, lady..i'll take your word for it. i won't worry.
6 o'clock rolls around and it's time to board flight #2. at this point i knew what to expect and i was super excited! i found my seat and sat down to realize that the man who sat next to me only spoke spanish. i came to the conclusion that it was probably good for me to practice seeing as though in a few hours i would be in south america, but it felt like everytime i went to say something to him in spanish...i'd forget how to say it!!
i took a lot of pictures on that flight, too...especially of the moon. and at one point there was a cloud out my window that was a little below us that was producing lightning which was super cool to watch. i wish i could've told the guy next to me to look too, but i didn't know how to to that, either.
i was told that the flight was only going to be 3.5 hours...but i think it was about 5. first of all, we had a 45 minute delay for taking off because we had to wait in line for other planes to take off. which made me super super impatient. but i also was impatient while airborne because after awhile it got dark and i couldnt take pictures anymore. i tried sleeping...that was dumb..how was i supposed to sleep when i was less than 3 hours away from ECUADOR?!
finally, after landing...we went through all these lines and they had to check my passport and do all of that security stuff. we went to the luggage belt thinger..(what's that thing called???) i kept explaining to the lady that was escorting the UMs my situation...after awhile of contacting people she said they didnt think that they had record of my suitcase..naturally, i panicked. and of course...5 seconds after freaking out...my suitcase comes around the luggage belt. i've never been so happy to see a plain old suitcase in my whole entire life...MOVING ON!...
we went over to customs and the only thing i could think is "ugh! this is gonna take FOREVER!!!!!" and for some reason, it took literally 2 minutes. i put my bags through a scanner thing...they looked at my passport...and that was that.
i was escorted out to the waiting area for people...which was PACKED. there were hunderds, and hundreds of people..some holding flowers, some balloons...all waiting for someone. at this point...all i could think was "well..i'm never gonna find my host family." after standing on my tip toes and looking through a crowd of faces....i finally spotted my host mom..who at the exact same time..spotted me. it was so exciting. soo exciting to know that someone on the other end of the world was waiting for me to come and stay with them. i was so thankful and blessed that i made it there safely and i had found my family....can we leave the airport now??
we arrived at a house thing in guayaquil where we spent the night. i got my own little room and i was able to take a shower. i was uneasy because i really had no idea where the hell i was. i couldn't get over the fact that just that morning...i was in my own country...my own state...my own house...my own room. it was sooo weird. i was also a little upset because my phone didn't work..luckily, i had wifi in the guayaquil airport so i could tell my best friend and mom that i had safely landed. i would've liked to have had my phone working so i could text my friends and tell them everything i'd experienced so far in my first hours of being in south america...but nope.
i really didn't think i was going to sleep that night. luckily, i had my ipod..so i was able to listen to that to fall asleep..just like i did when i was at home.
when i woke up the next morning..i thought it was in my best friend's bed room..her room is the same color (or about) as the room that i stayed in. so naturally, i just looked around to find her...she wasn't there...i heard loud engines and just thought to myself "its just the neighbor boy pulling into or out of his driveway" but then i kept hearing honking horns and barking dogs...all of the sudden it had it me. i wasnt in the USA anymore.
i ate breakfast with my host family and put on some clean clothes..gathered up my stuff and made sure i didn't forget anything and then put all of my stuff back in their car. finally, we were off for a 3 hour drive to Cuenca, the city where i would be living in for the next 6 weeks.
i couldn't belive how different things were. when driving through guayaquil every time i looked out the window, i saw something i had never seen before. and despite my car sickness, i couldn't stop myself from looking out the window at everything. all of the signs, billboards and road signs...all in spanish.
when we left the city of guayaquil, we were driving towards the andes mountains. which i was absolutely fascinated by. they were so incredibly beautiful and HUGE. the closer we got to them...the more excited i got to drive in them. after awhile of driving up and up and up my ears started to pop. i was taking pictures like there was no tomorrow and i was so excited.
at one point, my host dad stopped the car and had me get out to see how cold it was at that spot. it was the highest point we would drive to which was 14,000 feet up. i dont remember feeling sick and if i was i wouldn't have noticed because i was far too excited. i was also so high up that i literally got to touch the clouds. it was awesome.
after a long drive to cuenca. we finally arrived. by the time i got to my host family's home and got out of the car, my host parents and host sister had already grabbed my luggage for me. which was honestly totally fine by me. my suitcase was 46lbs and i was TIRED.
whether it was that day or a couple after, i met my host sister's friend Maria Cecilia who i instantly became friends with. everyone here is super friendly and willing to make friends.
that friday...june 17th...i went to my first party..which was absolutely insane. it was like a party you see in the movies with color strobe lights, servers, drinks, and hundreds of teenagers just looking for a good time. of course, when i went to greet everyone, i didn't notice a dip in the pavement and i took a little bit of a fall. great way to break the ice..
of course, because i'm foreign..pretty much every guy wanted to dance with me. and in america at parties where there's dancing..we just kinda awkwardly rock back and forth and text and talk...and at parties here...people actually dance..and if you're not dancing, people are going to look at you and wonder what's wrong with you. since i already stood out enough, hence the blonde hair and blue eyes and extreme accent when i spoke spanish...i figured i might as well TRY to dance like everyone else..which didn't go as well as i planned. the first couple guys that i danced with tried to teach me and they all told me i was very good. then they offered me a drink...just like everyone else. no drinking for this girl, i can't even handle myself when i'm sober.
after awhile of dancing with at least 7 different guys, i was tired. i was still adjusting to the altitude and i was still exhausted from all my traveling even though i had been there for a few days already.
seeing as though the doctor told me that i would only need altitude meds for 3 or 4 days..i decided that the next day i wasn't gonna take them. they made me feel horrible. they made me tired all of the time and they made me lose my apetite too.
june 18th. i woke up..and i felt SO horrible. i had the worst headache ever. i was dizzy and i felt like at any second i was going to pass out. not even advil helped me. nothing. finally, after eating bread and drinking sprite (which i am now obsessed with) i felt a little better...i also decided that it would be best to back on the altitude meds. that night was my host sister's sweet 16th birthday party. so i knew that i needed to feel better. maria cecilia did an incredible job at doing my hair and makeup and i eventually started feeling a little better.
there were tons of people at Natalia's (my host sister) party. I got to meet even more of her friends, and reconnect with the ones that i had already been introduced to. all of them included me and made me feel like i was a part of their group.
i was once again, asked to dance...or told to dance with someone. and it was a little easier than the party the night before..but still a little difficult. the party went very late and as the night went on i got more and more tired and just wanted to sit down.
at one point, an extremely drunk boy decided to ask me to dance, because i knew he was drunk, i said, "No."...and he grabbed onto my waist..so i pushed him away..and then he kissed my face. which i made pretty clear in english and in spanish that i was not very happy with that. i think his friends got the message because i heard one of them tell him to go away. finally, at around 3 in the morning we went back home. i fell asleep right away.
on the 19th my host family took me to my host dad's parent's house. it was beautiful! they had so much land! when you stood on their porch you could see beautiful buildings/monuments and the mountains. i got to take a lot of awesome pictures that day. and i got to feed and photograph a wild peacock and it was awesome!! we got home very late that night and i was EXHAUSTED!
on the 20th, it was my host sister's actual birthday and we went to cajas. a national park. 20 (or maybe even more) of her friends, all packed into cars (including myself) and we were off. i'm extremely glad i took my altitude meds that day because we did some climbing around in the mountains. most of natalia's friends climbed as high as they could go...while some others, including myself, decided to stay back a little ways. i was already super tired from climbing as high as i already had. you will never understand altitude sickness until you experience it. i listened to my ipod and layed down for a little bit...and i dont know many people who can say they've took a nap in the andes mountains. :) we eventually ventured back down and then went out to eat.
driving here in ecuador is absolutely crazy. sometimes it's fun and sometimes its scary. people here drive really fast and seat belts aren't necessary, but of course i always wear mine. people here looove honking their horns. sometimes i wonder if people just honk their horn because they are bored.
on the 22nd i went out with maria cecilia and her friend galo. we went to a mall and got stuff to drink trying to find something to do. and then we decided to go find somewhere to eat nachos..and they were very good. :)
language here is tough to adjust to. they use their slang so of course it's extremely hard to pick up on. i do what i can and i have gotten a lot better. luckily, most of the people i've met are very good at speaking english. and help me a ton.
yesterday i went to a religious festival which was awesome. there were fireworks and tons and tons of people. it was absolutely beautiful.
you all keep asking me what's different about ecuador and the truth is...everything. every time i step outside, i see something different and i can't believe how far away from home i really am. and i can't believe that i made it here all by myself. it's one of those things that happens once in a lifetime. i miss all of my friends a lot..and my dog...and i wish i had my guitar more than anything in the whole entire world. i've been writing a ton and everyday i find something different to photograph.
i have a host family of 5 people. i have my host mom, dad, and brothers; joaquin who is 14 and juan alfredo who is 17 and then my host sister, natalia who just turned 16 and will be coming back with me to the USA for a month.
to all of my friends who miss me i miss you too a ton and thank you for encouraging me to go on this trip and take a risk and be what i've always wanted to be...
Fearless. <3
tomorrow is another day and i will write soon!
love, love, love,
ashley
seeing as though i'm out of the country.
i'll do my best to tell you all what i've done so far and what it's like. and about the journey here.
...but no promises. ;)
on june 13th i was up at 4am. i was supposed to be up at 5:30, but I was far too excited to sleep. i feel like i only slept about 3 hours that night. partially because i had friends over until 11pm that night and because i had a lot of fun that night too. and obviously, i was excited to be going on an adventure of a lifetime. anyway, i woke up and triple-checked to make sure i had everything. from a toothbrush to my camera. i wanted to make sure there would be nothing that i needed (or thought i needed) left behind.
my mom, great aunt and i had a 3 hour drive to the chicago international airport where we had to hang around for 3 hours to wait for my plane. i was escorted on first because i was an unaccompanied minor. for some reason, i wound up getting business class seats and i was SO excited. i was excited and nervous. no turning back now. we waited on the plane. and waited. and waited. and waited. and eventually the guy next to me said to me "i dont think you're going to make your connecting flight. this flight will be 3 hours and by the time we land..you're plane to guayaquil will be taking off." after another 20 minutes of waiting..a voice over the speaker mentioned a phone number we could call to reschedule our connecting flight. i decided it was time for me to go find a flight attendant to find out what i should do.
she escorted me off of the plane.. luckily, my mom and aunt were still at my gate. we went to the front desk to find out what to do...turns out..my plane had an oil leak and before they had boarded the 251 passengers, they knew that there was something wrong with my plane...as you can imagine, people were angry..missing cruises, weddings, meetings, graduations. everything. i'm glad i was one of the first people off of the plane because before i knew it there was a line forming behind me of angry people waiting to find out what to do. i was going to miss my flight and the next flight to ecuador from miami was the next day.
so. round 2. june 14th...this day my flight from chicago left 2 hours earlier than the one that was going to on the 13th. i knew that i had to go to bed early so i fell asleep at 9 thanks to some benedryl even though i wasnt sick.
i woke up at 5:30 this time. and i was still incredibly tired. i didnt have to check everything again..because my suitcase was already God knows where. some people assumed it would be in miami...while others assumed it was already in Ecuador. I slept the whole entire car ride to chicago and i was only nervous that my plane was going to have problems again.
i was once again, one of the first passengers on the plane, along with the other unaccompanied minors. however, i was the first unaccompanied minor on the plane. all of the flight attendants knew me by name and asked me where i was going. they all thought i was adorable and they were all super nice to me. no business class this time. when i found out my seat wasnt a window seat..i was determined to find someone to trade with me. about 15 minutes after people started boarding a young guy who looked like he was in his mid-twenties sat down by the window seat closest to me. in my sweetest voice possible with a smile i said "umm excuse me? i'm going to be a foreign exchange student to ecuador and i would really like to take pictures out the window of the plane to show my host family once i get there (total lie..i just wanted to take pictures!) would you mind trading with me?" and of course, he traded with me. :) carry-ons were supposed to be kept above the seats in the cabin if they didnt fit below the seat...but knowing that if that were the case for me...i'd be up and down every five seconds..i was determined to make my bag fit below the freaking seat...and i did. i have no idea how...but i did. taking off was so much fun! i was absolutely mind blown at how fast the plane was moving in order for us to take off. to the point where i started laughing. no turning back now.
i sat next to a flight attendant who was done with her shifts and heading home to miami. she was one of the nicest people i met while flying. she gave me ear plugs in case i wanted to sleep on the next flight or on the flights home from ecuador. she talked with me the whole way and was super interested in my love for photography. i had to have taken over 200 pictures on my first flight.
when we landed in miami, the flight attendant who sat next to me told me to have a good trip. i was the last one of the plane because all unaccompanied minors had to be escorted off. all the flight attendants told me to have a good time and they were all super nice. when i walked off the plane to meet my fellow unaccompanied minor friends that were also on the plane..i noticed they were all about the age of 12. and the one who stood out the most..was the one who talked to me..and this is how the conversation went. her: hey! me: hi. hows it going? her: good. how old are you? me: 16. her: oh! you look like your 12! ...thankfully, right after she said that..it was time to be taken to the unaccompanied minors room to hang out for 4 hours and wait for my next flight.
i met a couple kids in that room who were pretty nice and helped me pass the time. i couldnt get the wifi to work on my ipod which was super upsetting. however, my phone still worked so i was able to text my best friend and my mom to tell them that i landed in miami.
i kept asking the women that worked in the unaccompanied minors (let's just call them UMs..k?) room where my suitcase was...and every single time..they would ignore me. they all spoke spanish and english but when they talked to each other it was in spanish...after asking in english where my suitcase should be and they didnt answer...i tried in spanish..finally..a lady came over to me and in english said, "your suitcase should be in ecuador. don't worry about it. it will be there waiting for you." alright, lady..i'll take your word for it. i won't worry.
6 o'clock rolls around and it's time to board flight #2. at this point i knew what to expect and i was super excited! i found my seat and sat down to realize that the man who sat next to me only spoke spanish. i came to the conclusion that it was probably good for me to practice seeing as though in a few hours i would be in south america, but it felt like everytime i went to say something to him in spanish...i'd forget how to say it!!
i took a lot of pictures on that flight, too...especially of the moon. and at one point there was a cloud out my window that was a little below us that was producing lightning which was super cool to watch. i wish i could've told the guy next to me to look too, but i didn't know how to to that, either.
i was told that the flight was only going to be 3.5 hours...but i think it was about 5. first of all, we had a 45 minute delay for taking off because we had to wait in line for other planes to take off. which made me super super impatient. but i also was impatient while airborne because after awhile it got dark and i couldnt take pictures anymore. i tried sleeping...that was dumb..how was i supposed to sleep when i was less than 3 hours away from ECUADOR?!
finally, after landing...we went through all these lines and they had to check my passport and do all of that security stuff. we went to the luggage belt thinger..(what's that thing called???) i kept explaining to the lady that was escorting the UMs my situation...after awhile of contacting people she said they didnt think that they had record of my suitcase..naturally, i panicked. and of course...5 seconds after freaking out...my suitcase comes around the luggage belt. i've never been so happy to see a plain old suitcase in my whole entire life...MOVING ON!...
we went over to customs and the only thing i could think is "ugh! this is gonna take FOREVER!!!!!" and for some reason, it took literally 2 minutes. i put my bags through a scanner thing...they looked at my passport...and that was that.
i was escorted out to the waiting area for people...which was PACKED. there were hunderds, and hundreds of people..some holding flowers, some balloons...all waiting for someone. at this point...all i could think was "well..i'm never gonna find my host family." after standing on my tip toes and looking through a crowd of faces....i finally spotted my host mom..who at the exact same time..spotted me. it was so exciting. soo exciting to know that someone on the other end of the world was waiting for me to come and stay with them. i was so thankful and blessed that i made it there safely and i had found my family....can we leave the airport now??
we arrived at a house thing in guayaquil where we spent the night. i got my own little room and i was able to take a shower. i was uneasy because i really had no idea where the hell i was. i couldn't get over the fact that just that morning...i was in my own country...my own state...my own house...my own room. it was sooo weird. i was also a little upset because my phone didn't work..luckily, i had wifi in the guayaquil airport so i could tell my best friend and mom that i had safely landed. i would've liked to have had my phone working so i could text my friends and tell them everything i'd experienced so far in my first hours of being in south america...but nope.
i really didn't think i was going to sleep that night. luckily, i had my ipod..so i was able to listen to that to fall asleep..just like i did when i was at home.
when i woke up the next morning..i thought it was in my best friend's bed room..her room is the same color (or about) as the room that i stayed in. so naturally, i just looked around to find her...she wasn't there...i heard loud engines and just thought to myself "its just the neighbor boy pulling into or out of his driveway" but then i kept hearing honking horns and barking dogs...all of the sudden it had it me. i wasnt in the USA anymore.
i ate breakfast with my host family and put on some clean clothes..gathered up my stuff and made sure i didn't forget anything and then put all of my stuff back in their car. finally, we were off for a 3 hour drive to Cuenca, the city where i would be living in for the next 6 weeks.
i couldn't belive how different things were. when driving through guayaquil every time i looked out the window, i saw something i had never seen before. and despite my car sickness, i couldn't stop myself from looking out the window at everything. all of the signs, billboards and road signs...all in spanish.
when we left the city of guayaquil, we were driving towards the andes mountains. which i was absolutely fascinated by. they were so incredibly beautiful and HUGE. the closer we got to them...the more excited i got to drive in them. after awhile of driving up and up and up my ears started to pop. i was taking pictures like there was no tomorrow and i was so excited.
at one point, my host dad stopped the car and had me get out to see how cold it was at that spot. it was the highest point we would drive to which was 14,000 feet up. i dont remember feeling sick and if i was i wouldn't have noticed because i was far too excited. i was also so high up that i literally got to touch the clouds. it was awesome.
after a long drive to cuenca. we finally arrived. by the time i got to my host family's home and got out of the car, my host parents and host sister had already grabbed my luggage for me. which was honestly totally fine by me. my suitcase was 46lbs and i was TIRED.
whether it was that day or a couple after, i met my host sister's friend Maria Cecilia who i instantly became friends with. everyone here is super friendly and willing to make friends.
that friday...june 17th...i went to my first party..which was absolutely insane. it was like a party you see in the movies with color strobe lights, servers, drinks, and hundreds of teenagers just looking for a good time. of course, when i went to greet everyone, i didn't notice a dip in the pavement and i took a little bit of a fall. great way to break the ice..
of course, because i'm foreign..pretty much every guy wanted to dance with me. and in america at parties where there's dancing..we just kinda awkwardly rock back and forth and text and talk...and at parties here...people actually dance..and if you're not dancing, people are going to look at you and wonder what's wrong with you. since i already stood out enough, hence the blonde hair and blue eyes and extreme accent when i spoke spanish...i figured i might as well TRY to dance like everyone else..which didn't go as well as i planned. the first couple guys that i danced with tried to teach me and they all told me i was very good. then they offered me a drink...just like everyone else. no drinking for this girl, i can't even handle myself when i'm sober.
after awhile of dancing with at least 7 different guys, i was tired. i was still adjusting to the altitude and i was still exhausted from all my traveling even though i had been there for a few days already.
seeing as though the doctor told me that i would only need altitude meds for 3 or 4 days..i decided that the next day i wasn't gonna take them. they made me feel horrible. they made me tired all of the time and they made me lose my apetite too.
june 18th. i woke up..and i felt SO horrible. i had the worst headache ever. i was dizzy and i felt like at any second i was going to pass out. not even advil helped me. nothing. finally, after eating bread and drinking sprite (which i am now obsessed with) i felt a little better...i also decided that it would be best to back on the altitude meds. that night was my host sister's sweet 16th birthday party. so i knew that i needed to feel better. maria cecilia did an incredible job at doing my hair and makeup and i eventually started feeling a little better.
there were tons of people at Natalia's (my host sister) party. I got to meet even more of her friends, and reconnect with the ones that i had already been introduced to. all of them included me and made me feel like i was a part of their group.
i was once again, asked to dance...or told to dance with someone. and it was a little easier than the party the night before..but still a little difficult. the party went very late and as the night went on i got more and more tired and just wanted to sit down.
at one point, an extremely drunk boy decided to ask me to dance, because i knew he was drunk, i said, "No."...and he grabbed onto my waist..so i pushed him away..and then he kissed my face. which i made pretty clear in english and in spanish that i was not very happy with that. i think his friends got the message because i heard one of them tell him to go away. finally, at around 3 in the morning we went back home. i fell asleep right away.
on the 19th my host family took me to my host dad's parent's house. it was beautiful! they had so much land! when you stood on their porch you could see beautiful buildings/monuments and the mountains. i got to take a lot of awesome pictures that day. and i got to feed and photograph a wild peacock and it was awesome!! we got home very late that night and i was EXHAUSTED!
on the 20th, it was my host sister's actual birthday and we went to cajas. a national park. 20 (or maybe even more) of her friends, all packed into cars (including myself) and we were off. i'm extremely glad i took my altitude meds that day because we did some climbing around in the mountains. most of natalia's friends climbed as high as they could go...while some others, including myself, decided to stay back a little ways. i was already super tired from climbing as high as i already had. you will never understand altitude sickness until you experience it. i listened to my ipod and layed down for a little bit...and i dont know many people who can say they've took a nap in the andes mountains. :) we eventually ventured back down and then went out to eat.
driving here in ecuador is absolutely crazy. sometimes it's fun and sometimes its scary. people here drive really fast and seat belts aren't necessary, but of course i always wear mine. people here looove honking their horns. sometimes i wonder if people just honk their horn because they are bored.
on the 22nd i went out with maria cecilia and her friend galo. we went to a mall and got stuff to drink trying to find something to do. and then we decided to go find somewhere to eat nachos..and they were very good. :)
language here is tough to adjust to. they use their slang so of course it's extremely hard to pick up on. i do what i can and i have gotten a lot better. luckily, most of the people i've met are very good at speaking english. and help me a ton.
yesterday i went to a religious festival which was awesome. there were fireworks and tons and tons of people. it was absolutely beautiful.
you all keep asking me what's different about ecuador and the truth is...everything. every time i step outside, i see something different and i can't believe how far away from home i really am. and i can't believe that i made it here all by myself. it's one of those things that happens once in a lifetime. i miss all of my friends a lot..and my dog...and i wish i had my guitar more than anything in the whole entire world. i've been writing a ton and everyday i find something different to photograph.
i have a host family of 5 people. i have my host mom, dad, and brothers; joaquin who is 14 and juan alfredo who is 17 and then my host sister, natalia who just turned 16 and will be coming back with me to the USA for a month.
to all of my friends who miss me i miss you too a ton and thank you for encouraging me to go on this trip and take a risk and be what i've always wanted to be...
Fearless. <3
tomorrow is another day and i will write soon!
love, love, love,
ashley
Sunday, May 22, 2011
A Loss For Words
So how was everyone's rapture day?
Hahah I love saying that.
I haven't written in over a month.
I'm not going to Spain, Italy...or France.
But I am going to Ecuador.
I'm not writing because of that.
I'm not writing to make some joke about how Harold Camping forgot to carry the 1 for his mathematical calculation of our death. (Sorry, had to)
I'm not writing to tell you about how I'm taking some trip to Ecuador.
I'm writing because I wish things were simple.
Simple like the worst case scenario being falling off of your bike.
Something that a 5 year old would consider "tragic"
Something that teenagers would look at and say, "Not a big deal."
I can clearly remember being 4 and wanting nothing more than to be a teenager.
They were just so cool.
They could drive, and date, and do what seemed to be just about everything.
In fact: When I was in 3rd grade, my friend Becky and I made up a rule that on Fridays we would dress like teenagers. I'm not exactly sure what that meant. But we some how managed to think that we did a good job. (Shout out to you Beck- I miss you. :])
Things aren't simple now.
In fact, every day...they get more and more complicated.
I'm simply at a loss for words.
I can't explain how complicated things are.
I was planning on writing more...
But.
I am at a loss for words.
Hahah I love saying that.
I haven't written in over a month.
I'm not going to Spain, Italy...or France.
But I am going to Ecuador.
I'm not writing because of that.
I'm not writing to make some joke about how Harold Camping forgot to carry the 1 for his mathematical calculation of our death. (Sorry, had to)
I'm not writing to tell you about how I'm taking some trip to Ecuador.
I'm writing because I wish things were simple.
Simple like the worst case scenario being falling off of your bike.
Something that a 5 year old would consider "tragic"
Something that teenagers would look at and say, "Not a big deal."
I can clearly remember being 4 and wanting nothing more than to be a teenager.
They were just so cool.
They could drive, and date, and do what seemed to be just about everything.
In fact: When I was in 3rd grade, my friend Becky and I made up a rule that on Fridays we would dress like teenagers. I'm not exactly sure what that meant. But we some how managed to think that we did a good job. (Shout out to you Beck- I miss you. :])
Things aren't simple now.
In fact, every day...they get more and more complicated.
I'm simply at a loss for words.
I can't explain how complicated things are.
I was planning on writing more...
But.
I am at a loss for words.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Things I've Realized/Things Just About Me
1. If I don't want to talk to someone, I don't have to.
2. I'm only bad at things because I tell myself I'm bad at them.
3. If I practice, I'll get better at the things I'm bad at.
4. If I want to fix things with someone, but they don't want to fix them. Let it go.
5. Worrying about something isn't going to change the outcome.
6. Life...goes...on.
7. People change, some quickly and some slowly.
8. People generally aren't what they appear to be when I first meet/befriend them.
9. Complaining doesn't do me very much good.
10. If you nicely ask someone to listen to me, most people will.
12. I'm generally the main source of the majority of my problems.
13. Facebook is a beautiful thing...I can delete AND block...people I don't want to deal with! (Who woulda thunk it?!)
14. The number 32 is following me everywhere.
15. The second I stop caring about someone, they start caring about me.
16. Procrastinating is something I always regret doing.
17. I hate when people boss me around.
18. I'm too forgiving sometimes, and others I am not forgiving at all.
19. I'm a bitch. Hahah.
20. Wishful thinking only leads to me getting my hopes up, which lately has done nothing but hurt me in the long run.
21. Whenever I have a conversation with my neighbor boy I play with my hair or mess up my words...miserably. (Shout out to you, dude if you're reading this.)
22. I probably shouldn't have just said that...
23. I regret treating people badly in the past.
24. I don't regret being HONEST with people in the past.
25. I'm still regretting posting #21.
26. I like to drive...but only sometimes.
27. Storms scare the crap out of me.
28. I have the loudest/most obnoxious laugh I have ever heard.
29. Okay, this isn't something I notice, but others notice that one of my eyes is smaller than the others. With that being said, stop pointing it out, I know it is, I've known for a long time. Get. Over. It.
30. I'm 274 days into my 365 day photo project, I have no idea how I have lasted this long.
31. I can daydream extremely easily.
32. ...Wasn't kidding about this number following me, it really is.
33. I assume things a lot.
34. I hate people who ignore me for no reason, though I'm pretty sure I already said that in my post where I talked about people I don't like. Go read it!
35. Out of habit I interrupt people. I don't mean to, but I do.
36. In regards to #35, I talk wayyyyy too much.
37. My bathroom has phenomenal acoustics and makes my voice sound awesome. Sooo someone get me a record deal. If Rebecca Black can be a youtube star...why can't I?
38. I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT TO BE IN EUROPE.
39. I admire you if you're still reading this.
40. I like nice people who read about me. Though it's kinda weird...but still, thanks...you're nice. :)
41. My dad has a silver sebring convertible that he and I are sharing once I get my license and I basically love the car more than anything. I can't wait for summer to put the top down.
Okay, I'm done. :)
2. I'm only bad at things because I tell myself I'm bad at them.
3. If I practice, I'll get better at the things I'm bad at.
4. If I want to fix things with someone, but they don't want to fix them. Let it go.
5. Worrying about something isn't going to change the outcome.
6. Life...goes...on.
7. People change, some quickly and some slowly.
8. People generally aren't what they appear to be when I first meet/befriend them.
9. Complaining doesn't do me very much good.
10. If you nicely ask someone to listen to me, most people will.
12. I'm generally the main source of the majority of my problems.
13. Facebook is a beautiful thing...I can delete AND block...people I don't want to deal with! (Who woulda thunk it?!)
14. The number 32 is following me everywhere.
15. The second I stop caring about someone, they start caring about me.
16. Procrastinating is something I always regret doing.
17. I hate when people boss me around.
18. I'm too forgiving sometimes, and others I am not forgiving at all.
19. I'm a bitch. Hahah.
20. Wishful thinking only leads to me getting my hopes up, which lately has done nothing but hurt me in the long run.
21. Whenever I have a conversation with my neighbor boy I play with my hair or mess up my words...miserably. (Shout out to you, dude if you're reading this.)
22. I probably shouldn't have just said that...
23. I regret treating people badly in the past.
24. I don't regret being HONEST with people in the past.
25. I'm still regretting posting #21.
26. I like to drive...but only sometimes.
27. Storms scare the crap out of me.
28. I have the loudest/most obnoxious laugh I have ever heard.
29. Okay, this isn't something I notice, but others notice that one of my eyes is smaller than the others. With that being said, stop pointing it out, I know it is, I've known for a long time. Get. Over. It.
30. I'm 274 days into my 365 day photo project, I have no idea how I have lasted this long.
31. I can daydream extremely easily.
32. ...Wasn't kidding about this number following me, it really is.
33. I assume things a lot.
34. I hate people who ignore me for no reason, though I'm pretty sure I already said that in my post where I talked about people I don't like. Go read it!
35. Out of habit I interrupt people. I don't mean to, but I do.
36. In regards to #35, I talk wayyyyy too much.
37. My bathroom has phenomenal acoustics and makes my voice sound awesome. Sooo someone get me a record deal. If Rebecca Black can be a youtube star...why can't I?
38. I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT TO BE IN EUROPE.
39. I admire you if you're still reading this.
40. I like nice people who read about me. Though it's kinda weird...but still, thanks...you're nice. :)
41. My dad has a silver sebring convertible that he and I are sharing once I get my license and I basically love the car more than anything. I can't wait for summer to put the top down.
Okay, I'm done. :)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Who Am I?
Fifteen blogs later and none of you know me.
Hi.
I'm Ashley.
I'm sixteen years old.
I'm obsessed with photography, dance, playing guitar and piano...
And too many other things to list.
My favorite number is 32.
It shows up almost everywhere.
At the most random times.
So I write it everywhere.
I have naturally blonde hair.
I'm super skinny.
I eat, all the time.
Super high metabolism.
I can't sing, but I love to.
I can pick up songs by ear on the piano within a matter of seconds.
I have my flaws.
I'm too clingy.
I move to fast in relationships.
Any relationship, that is.
I'm weird.
I'm super nosy.
I don't know what's in style and what's not.
I can't do my own makeup or hair without looking terrible.
I suck at keeping friends around.
I complain too much.
I can't just "let things go".
Call me anything you want too.
I've probably heard it before.
I'm done caring.
There's a list of a few of my flaws.
Go ahead, talk about them.
Tell everyone.
If you cared enough to point out my flaws, can't you take the time to find out the things that make me who I am? Like the good things about me?
Just a suggestion.
I'm the friendliest person I know.
Respect me, I respect you.
I am done now.
I've just listed all of
Hi.
I'm Ashley.
I'm sixteen years old.
I'm obsessed with photography, dance, playing guitar and piano...
And too many other things to list.
My favorite number is 32.
It shows up almost everywhere.
At the most random times.
So I write it everywhere.
I have naturally blonde hair.
I'm super skinny.
I eat, all the time.
Super high metabolism.
I can't sing, but I love to.
I can pick up songs by ear on the piano within a matter of seconds.
I have my flaws.
I'm too clingy.
I move to fast in relationships.
Any relationship, that is.
I'm weird.
I'm super nosy.
I don't know what's in style and what's not.
I can't do my own makeup or hair without looking terrible.
I suck at keeping friends around.
I complain too much.
I can't just "let things go".
Call me anything you want too.
I've probably heard it before.
I'm done caring.
There's a list of a few of my flaws.
Go ahead, talk about them.
Tell everyone.
If you cared enough to point out my flaws, can't you take the time to find out the things that make me who I am? Like the good things about me?
Just a suggestion.
I'm the friendliest person I know.
Respect me, I respect you.
I am done now.
I've just listed all of
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Breakthrough
Yesterday I got the opportunity to confront someone.
To change the way they see their life.
Because this person was seeing things negatively.
This person didn't want to be around anymore.
She was making the same mistakes I made.
Some of the mistakes I still make today.
She was relying on everyone else to solve her problems.
When in reality, she could solve them on her own.
People kept telling me...
"If you tell her she is doing this, she will be very upset."
Also, people call me a bitch.
I want to talk about that before I continue my story.
I'm not a bitch. If you respect me. I respect you.
I will confront you if you upset me.
I will confront you if you upset someone else.
I do not HINT at what I want.
I TELL you.
Not a bitch. In fact, I would call that a good friend.
Back to my story.
So I talked to this person.
This person is a girl.
I told her how she can fix her problems.
I told her what she was doing wrong.
And how to correct it.
I was painfully straight forward.
And I saw her tear up, and I thought I had created a mess.
But instead...she smiled.
Really, really, really big.
And said.
"Thank you."
I created a breakthrough in someone else's life.
I cannot tell you how rewarding that is.
I helped someone else, start to be like what I want to be.
Fearless. <3
To change the way they see their life.
Because this person was seeing things negatively.
This person didn't want to be around anymore.
She was making the same mistakes I made.
Some of the mistakes I still make today.
She was relying on everyone else to solve her problems.
When in reality, she could solve them on her own.
People kept telling me...
"If you tell her she is doing this, she will be very upset."
Also, people call me a bitch.
I want to talk about that before I continue my story.
I'm not a bitch. If you respect me. I respect you.
I will confront you if you upset me.
I will confront you if you upset someone else.
I do not HINT at what I want.
I TELL you.
Not a bitch. In fact, I would call that a good friend.
Back to my story.
So I talked to this person.
This person is a girl.
I told her how she can fix her problems.
I told her what she was doing wrong.
And how to correct it.
I was painfully straight forward.
And I saw her tear up, and I thought I had created a mess.
But instead...she smiled.
Really, really, really big.
And said.
"Thank you."
I created a breakthrough in someone else's life.
I cannot tell you how rewarding that is.
I helped someone else, start to be like what I want to be.
Fearless. <3
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Surprises
Blog #13. I am liking this.
I love when unexpected happy things happen.
Like you totally don't expect something.
But if it happened it would make you happy.
And then randomly.
It does. :)
It's awesome.
Yesterday was a really bad day. Like THE WORST.
So I guess that means this week has to be better than that, right?
Well, so far it definitely has.
Started the swimming unit in gym.
That's always fun.
I like swimming.
I could have potentially embarrassed myself TERRIBLY today.
But I avoided it. High-five for me? Please.
I'm ready for positive change in my life.
Speaking of which, I should really go start my homework.
Today has been good. :)
I love when unexpected happy things happen.
Like you totally don't expect something.
But if it happened it would make you happy.
And then randomly.
It does. :)
It's awesome.
Yesterday was a really bad day. Like THE WORST.
So I guess that means this week has to be better than that, right?
Well, so far it definitely has.
Started the swimming unit in gym.
That's always fun.
I like swimming.
I could have potentially embarrassed myself TERRIBLY today.
But I avoided it. High-five for me? Please.
I'm ready for positive change in my life.
Speaking of which, I should really go start my homework.
Today has been good. :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Types Of People I Hate
Today I made a list of types of people I can't stand. Are you one of them?
I am not fond of the following types of people...
PEOPLE WHO IGNORE ME AND WON'T TELL ME WHY.
People who won't talk to me, then randomly start, act like nothing is wrong when we hang out and then start ignoring me again shortly after.
People who insult me to make themselves feel better.
Hypocritical people.
People who use me.
People who act like gym class is the Olympics. CALM DOWN.
People who act like they know everything.
Self-Centered people.
Is conceited the same as that? If not, I don't like them either.
Guys who stand in front of my locker in between class and wrestle. GO. AWAY.
Girls who mutter things under their breaths after I answer questions in class.
People who judge me before knowing me.
When people talk about me behind my back.
People who act like my friend then turn around and tell people they hate me.
People who initiate conversation and then fail to hold up a conversation.
People who call me for no reason at all and then sit there and don't say things.
Liars.
People who act stupid for attention.
Easy girls.
Shallow people.
People who lead me on.
People who practically rape each other in front of my locker.
If you're one of these people.
Apologize.
Today Sucks.
The End.
.
I am not fond of the following types of people...
PEOPLE WHO IGNORE ME AND WON'T TELL ME WHY.
People who won't talk to me, then randomly start, act like nothing is wrong when we hang out and then start ignoring me again shortly after.
People who insult me to make themselves feel better.
Hypocritical people.
People who use me.
People who act like gym class is the Olympics. CALM DOWN.
People who act like they know everything.
Self-Centered people.
Is conceited the same as that? If not, I don't like them either.
Guys who stand in front of my locker in between class and wrestle. GO. AWAY.
Girls who mutter things under their breaths after I answer questions in class.
People who judge me before knowing me.
When people talk about me behind my back.
People who act like my friend then turn around and tell people they hate me.
People who initiate conversation and then fail to hold up a conversation.
People who call me for no reason at all and then sit there and don't say things.
Liars.
People who act stupid for attention.
Easy girls.
Shallow people.
People who lead me on.
People who practically rape each other in front of my locker.
If you're one of these people.
Apologize.
Today Sucks.
The End.
.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Writer's Block
Fun Fact: I write songs.
I've been writing since middle school.
People think it's weird.
Song writing is weird.
Do you realize if there weren't any song writers...
There would be no music?
Okay. So tell me that it's weird again?
Haha, yeah...that's right.
Over the past couple of months I've had writer's block.
I couldn't write a song even if I tried.
When I did try it came out horrible.
But today...
My writer's block went away.
I started one song and stopped.
Then started a totally different one and got really far.
I like it.
Farewell, writer's block. :)
I've been writing since middle school.
People think it's weird.
Song writing is weird.
Do you realize if there weren't any song writers...
There would be no music?
Okay. So tell me that it's weird again?
Haha, yeah...that's right.
Over the past couple of months I've had writer's block.
I couldn't write a song even if I tried.
When I did try it came out horrible.
But today...
My writer's block went away.
I started one song and stopped.
Then started a totally different one and got really far.
I like it.
Farewell, writer's block. :)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Practice Makes Perfect
Tonight I was talking to someone who just started a blog.
She insisted my writing was better than hers.
I then explained that I've been writing since the 7th grade.
Practice makes perfect.
Think of it this way.
When you were younger.
And you learned to ride a bike...
Wait. Hang on.
When you were REALLY LITTLE and you learned how to walk.
How many times do you think you fell before you were able to walk?
Now, back to the bike thing? How many times did you fall?
Scrape your knee?
Get a bruise?
Cry?
Same concept with writing.
Think of people criticizing your stuff as a scrape or bruise.
Remember the first time you rode your bike alll by yourself?
You were just like your friends...you fit in, you did it.
You can now ride a bike.
Just like me someday, girl.
You will be an incredible writer.
You are now.
But right now you're falling because you are learning.
Let me tell you this.
No.
Let me promise you.
The very first time you write something and you KNOW it is good.
It will be the same feeling you had the first time you rode your bike.
Or walked.
Or did ANYTHING that you have wanted to do that took time to learn.
Promise. :)
Practice makes perfect.
She insisted my writing was better than hers.
I then explained that I've been writing since the 7th grade.
Practice makes perfect.
Think of it this way.
When you were younger.
And you learned to ride a bike...
Wait. Hang on.
When you were REALLY LITTLE and you learned how to walk.
How many times do you think you fell before you were able to walk?
Now, back to the bike thing? How many times did you fall?
Scrape your knee?
Get a bruise?
Cry?
Same concept with writing.
Think of people criticizing your stuff as a scrape or bruise.
Remember the first time you rode your bike alll by yourself?
You were just like your friends...you fit in, you did it.
You can now ride a bike.
Just like me someday, girl.
You will be an incredible writer.
You are now.
But right now you're falling because you are learning.
Let me tell you this.
No.
Let me promise you.
The very first time you write something and you KNOW it is good.
It will be the same feeling you had the first time you rode your bike.
Or walked.
Or did ANYTHING that you have wanted to do that took time to learn.
Promise. :)
Practice makes perfect.
Walking Through Fire
I always make the same mistakes.
Over and over.
And my friends always point it out before me.
They tell me how to fix the bad habit.
But because it's change and no one likes big changes.
I refuse.
Every. Single. Time.
...Literally.
That I make this mistake...
I regret it.
It's like I like to put my hands in the fire and get burned.
I just don't learn.
And it's stupid because I know what I'm doing is stupid.
Only hurting myself.
I feel like I am walking through fire.
Like I like being burned and hurt.
Even though being hurt is all I ever complain about.
I'm simply creating my own misery.
I don't know how to fix that.
Help.
Over and over.
And my friends always point it out before me.
They tell me how to fix the bad habit.
But because it's change and no one likes big changes.
I refuse.
Every. Single. Time.
...Literally.
That I make this mistake...
I regret it.
It's like I like to put my hands in the fire and get burned.
I just don't learn.
And it's stupid because I know what I'm doing is stupid.
Only hurting myself.
I feel like I am walking through fire.
Like I like being burned and hurt.
Even though being hurt is all I ever complain about.
I'm simply creating my own misery.
I don't know how to fix that.
Help.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Challenges
Tonight my mom and I looked at flight prices.
I don't know which country I'm going to yet.
So we looked at pricing for all three.
My mom is afraid of flying itself.
So when she discovered I would have to stop in other airports...
She didn't like that idea.
We looked at direct flights.
One of them would cost $3,000
She then started making airports sound...
Complicated.
Scary.
Dangerous.
Confusing.
I called my dad since he flies all the time.
He's not afraid of it.
And let me tell you, everything my mom freaked me out about...
Wasn't really anything scary at all...
My dad made everything sound very simple.
After talking to my older cousin on Facebook who has traveled...
She explained to me that I will be fine, the airport I would stop in is OK.
After getting all nervous and second thinking whether I want to do this trip.
I thought about it...
Isn't my biggest goal right now to be Fearless?
If I get on a plane, and I have to stop somewhere...
I think it will be fun to push myself to new limits to accomplish this.
When I reach my destination, I can say to myself, "I did it."
I will have a host family waiting for me overseas.
I think that's the most incredible feeling in the world.
A family out there wants to host someone like me.
I'm excited. :)
I don't know which country I'm going to yet.
So we looked at pricing for all three.
My mom is afraid of flying itself.
So when she discovered I would have to stop in other airports...
She didn't like that idea.
We looked at direct flights.
One of them would cost $3,000
She then started making airports sound...
Complicated.
Scary.
Dangerous.
Confusing.
I called my dad since he flies all the time.
He's not afraid of it.
And let me tell you, everything my mom freaked me out about...
Wasn't really anything scary at all...
My dad made everything sound very simple.
After talking to my older cousin on Facebook who has traveled...
She explained to me that I will be fine, the airport I would stop in is OK.
After getting all nervous and second thinking whether I want to do this trip.
I thought about it...
Isn't my biggest goal right now to be Fearless?
If I get on a plane, and I have to stop somewhere...
I think it will be fun to push myself to new limits to accomplish this.
When I reach my destination, I can say to myself, "I did it."
I will have a host family waiting for me overseas.
I think that's the most incredible feeling in the world.
A family out there wants to host someone like me.
I'm excited. :)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Fearless
So I'm either living in Spain, Italy, or France for a month this summer.
I have never been more excited for June in my whole entire life.
This means I get to get away from everything and everyone.
Everything that's been holding me down.
Will be gone.
I have my fears though.
I have to get on a plane (several) by myself.
I'm not fluent in Spanish.
And if they can't find me a host family in Spain...
They look in France or Italy.
I don't know Italian or French.
I would know before I leave what place I'm going.
Time to learn a new language.
But what if I get lost?
What if I lose my luggage?
Fears.
But after I reach my destination I will feel how I have always wanted to feel.
Fearless.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Slap In The Face
Don't you just love it when someone comes across as someone they're not?
Even if they don't do it on purpose. So you spend weeks or even months...
Thinking that they're someone they're not, then when it comes down to it...
You tell them something or ask them a question, and throw yourself out there...
And they turn on you...or catch you off guard?
I hate it.
How much do I need to give before someone gives me something to take?
I feel like I give and give and give and give and say, "Here I am, now you know everything about me. Now give me what I'm looking for like you promised." And then the person doesn't.
Story of my life.
Even if they don't do it on purpose. So you spend weeks or even months...
Thinking that they're someone they're not, then when it comes down to it...
You tell them something or ask them a question, and throw yourself out there...
And they turn on you...or catch you off guard?
I hate it.
How much do I need to give before someone gives me something to take?
I feel like I give and give and give and give and say, "Here I am, now you know everything about me. Now give me what I'm looking for like you promised." And then the person doesn't.
Story of my life.
The Crowded Room
Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?
I have.
Maybe I didn't feel alone, but I certainly felt left out.
This particular "room" was the school gym.
I guess there are advantages at sitting alone.
Or practically alone.
Like you will notice a few things...
The sports photographers always appear to miss potential great shots.
They always get the ones of people making baskets but they never get ones of the players' faces while trying to get the ball.
How serious about the game they are.
I've wanted to start a blog for a really long time.
I write a lot on my own.
But I always complain about never being heard or people not getting to know me.
So here I am.
And here you are, reading this.
And after you close this window you'll probably get on with your life and think nothing of this.
Maybe you'll make fun of it.
And I will be the first one to admit, that's my biggest fear about doing this whole blog thing.
However, have you ever had a really big fear?
Let's use speaking in front of a lot of people for an example.
So, you're asked to speak in front of a ton of people.
NO...right?
But what if all of your friends told you, that you're a really good speaker and that you should do it?
Let's say you do it. You go out there and you speak.
Don't you feel good after you do?
I always feel really good knowing I over came a fear.
I'm linking this blog to Facebook for my 473 people to either ignore or take interest in.
They can do whatever they want about this.
I'm done caring.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?
I have.
Which is why I have appropriately titled my blog, "Fearless."
I have.
Maybe I didn't feel alone, but I certainly felt left out.
This particular "room" was the school gym.
I guess there are advantages at sitting alone.
Or practically alone.
Like you will notice a few things...
The sports photographers always appear to miss potential great shots.
They always get the ones of people making baskets but they never get ones of the players' faces while trying to get the ball.
How serious about the game they are.
I've wanted to start a blog for a really long time.
I write a lot on my own.
But I always complain about never being heard or people not getting to know me.
So here I am.
And here you are, reading this.
And after you close this window you'll probably get on with your life and think nothing of this.
Maybe you'll make fun of it.
And I will be the first one to admit, that's my biggest fear about doing this whole blog thing.
However, have you ever had a really big fear?
Let's use speaking in front of a lot of people for an example.
So, you're asked to speak in front of a ton of people.
NO...right?
But what if all of your friends told you, that you're a really good speaker and that you should do it?
Let's say you do it. You go out there and you speak.
Don't you feel good after you do?
I always feel really good knowing I over came a fear.
I'm linking this blog to Facebook for my 473 people to either ignore or take interest in.
They can do whatever they want about this.
I'm done caring.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?
I have.
Which is why I have appropriately titled my blog, "Fearless."
Friday, February 18, 2011
Simplicity and Innocence
starting a blog and putting up links about it everywhere to show people that i'm done caring about what they say/think about me.
here we go.
i have legitimately spent almost all day having flashbacks from when i was 4.
and when i moved into this house i still call home.
and when i met the people i grew up with.
the people who i have a lot of things to say to now.
but i'm too scared to ever speak up when i get the chance.
i wish i were fearless.
i feel like when i think back on the times i spent with those people...
the memories are always from summer.
i think i miss the innocence the most.
when fights between my brother and i would be as simple as to who gets to watch what TV show. things like that remind me of when i was little.
i dislike how complex things are now.
here we go.
i have legitimately spent almost all day having flashbacks from when i was 4.
and when i moved into this house i still call home.
and when i met the people i grew up with.
the people who i have a lot of things to say to now.
but i'm too scared to ever speak up when i get the chance.
i wish i were fearless.
i feel like when i think back on the times i spent with those people...
the memories are always from summer.
i think i miss the innocence the most.
when fights between my brother and i would be as simple as to who gets to watch what TV show. things like that remind me of when i was little.
i dislike how complex things are now.
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