A Loss For Words

So how was everyone's rapture day?
Hahah I love saying that.

I haven't written in over a month.
I'm not going to Spain, Italy...or France.
But I am going to Ecuador.

I'm not writing because of that.
I'm not writing to make some joke about how Harold Camping forgot to carry the 1 for his mathematical calculation of our death. (Sorry, had to)
I'm not writing to tell you about how I'm taking some trip to Ecuador.

I'm writing because I wish things were simple.
Simple like the worst case scenario being falling off of your bike.
Something that a 5 year old would consider "tragic"
Something that teenagers would look at and say, "Not a big deal."

I can clearly remember being 4 and wanting nothing more than to be a teenager.
They were just so cool.
They could drive, and date, and do what seemed to be just about everything.

In fact: When I was in 3rd grade, my friend Becky and I made up a rule that on Fridays we would dress like teenagers. I'm not exactly sure what that meant. But we some how managed to think that we did a good job. (Shout out to you Beck- I miss you. :])

Things aren't simple now.
In fact, every day...they get more and more complicated.
I'm simply at a loss for words.
I can't explain how complicated things are.

I was planning on writing more...
But.
I am at a loss for words.

Things I've Realized/Things Just About Me

1. If I don't want to talk to someone, I don't have to.
2. I'm only bad at things because I tell myself I'm bad at them.
3. If I practice, I'll get better at the things I'm bad at.
4. If I want to fix things with someone, but they don't want to fix them. Let it go.
5. Worrying about something isn't going to change the outcome.
6. Life...goes...on.
7. People change, some quickly and some slowly.
8. People generally aren't what they appear to be when I first meet/befriend them.
9. Complaining doesn't do me very much good.
10. If you nicely ask someone to listen to me, most people will.
12. I'm generally the main source of the majority of my problems.
13. Facebook is a beautiful thing...I can delete AND block...people I don't want to deal with! (Who woulda thunk it?!)
14. The number 32 is following me everywhere.
15. The second I stop caring about someone, they start caring about me.
16. Procrastinating is something I always regret doing.
17. I hate when people boss me around.
18. I'm too forgiving sometimes, and others I am not forgiving at all.
19. I'm a bitch. Hahah.
20. Wishful thinking only leads to me getting my hopes up, which lately has done nothing but hurt me in the long run.
21. Whenever I have a conversation with my neighbor boy I play with my hair or mess up my words...miserably. (Shout out to you, dude if you're reading this.)
22. I probably shouldn't have just said that...
23. I regret treating people badly in the past.
24. I don't regret being HONEST with people in the past.
25. I'm still regretting posting #21.
26. I like to drive...but only sometimes.
27. Storms scare the crap out of me.
28. I have the loudest/most obnoxious laugh I have ever heard.
29. Okay, this isn't something I notice, but others notice that one of my eyes is smaller than the others. With that being said, stop pointing it out, I know it is, I've known for a long time. Get. Over. It.
30. I'm 274 days into my 365 day photo project, I have no idea how I have lasted this long.
31. I can daydream extremely easily.
32. ...Wasn't kidding about this number following me, it really is.
33. I assume things a lot.
34. I hate people who ignore me for no reason, though I'm pretty sure I already said that in my post where I talked about people I don't like. Go read it!
35. Out of habit I interrupt people. I don't mean to, but I do.
36. In regards to #35, I talk wayyyyy too much.
37. My bathroom has phenomenal acoustics and makes my voice sound awesome. Sooo someone get me a record deal. If Rebecca Black can be a youtube star...why can't I?
38. I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT TO BE IN EUROPE.
39. I admire you if you're still reading this.
40. I like nice people who read about me. Though it's kinda weird...but still, thanks...you're nice. :)
41. My dad has a silver sebring convertible that he and I are sharing once I get my license and I basically love the car more than anything. I can't wait for summer to put the top down.

Okay, I'm done. :)

Who Am I?

Fifteen blogs later and none of you know me.

Hi.

I'm Ashley.
I'm sixteen years old.
I'm obsessed with photography, dance, playing guitar and piano...
And too many other things to list.

My favorite number is 32.
It shows up almost everywhere.
At the most random times.
So I write it everywhere.

I have naturally blonde hair.
I'm super skinny.
I eat, all the time.
Super high metabolism.
I can't sing, but I love to.
I can pick up songs by ear on the piano within a matter of seconds.

I have my flaws.

I'm too clingy.
I move to fast in relationships.
Any relationship, that is.
I'm weird.
I'm super nosy.
I don't know what's in style and what's not.
I can't do my own makeup or hair without looking terrible.
I suck at keeping friends around.
I complain too much.
I can't just "let things go".

Call me anything you want too.
I've probably heard it before.
I'm done caring.
There's a list of a few of my flaws.
Go ahead, talk about them.
Tell everyone.

If you cared enough to point out my flaws, can't you take the time to find out the things that make me who I am? Like the good things about me?

Just a suggestion.

I'm the friendliest person I know.
Respect me, I respect you.

I am done now.

I've just listed all of

Breakthrough

Yesterday I got the opportunity to confront someone.
To change the way they see their life.
Because this person was seeing things negatively.
This person didn't want to be around anymore.

She was making the same mistakes I made.
Some of the mistakes I still make today.
She was relying on everyone else to solve her problems.
When in reality, she could solve them on her own.

People kept telling me...

"If you tell her she is doing this, she will be very upset."

Also, people call me a bitch.

I want to talk about that before I continue my story.
I'm not a bitch. If you respect me. I respect you.
I will confront you if you upset me.
I will confront you if you upset someone else.

I do not HINT at what I want.
I TELL you.

Not a bitch. In fact, I would call that a good friend.

Back to my story.

So I talked to this person.
This person is a girl.
I told her how she can fix her problems.
I told her what she was doing wrong.
And how to correct it.

I was painfully straight forward.
And I saw her tear up, and I thought I had created a mess.

But instead...she smiled.
Really, really, really big.
And said.

"Thank you."

I created a breakthrough in someone else's life.

I cannot tell you how rewarding that is.
I helped someone else, start to be like what I want to be.


Fearless. <3

Surprises

Blog #13. I am liking this.

I love when unexpected happy things happen.
Like you totally don't expect something.
But if it happened it would make you happy.
And then randomly.
It does. :)

It's awesome.

Yesterday was a really bad day. Like THE WORST.
So I guess that means this week has to be better than that, right?
Well, so far it definitely has.

Started the swimming unit in gym.
That's always fun.
I like swimming.

I could have potentially embarrassed myself TERRIBLY today.
But I avoided it. High-five for me? Please.

I'm ready for positive change in my life.
Speaking of which, I should really go start my homework.

Today has been good. :)

Types Of People I Hate

Today I made a list of types of people I can't stand. Are you one of them?

I am not fond of the following types of people...

PEOPLE WHO IGNORE ME AND WON'T TELL ME WHY.
People who won't talk to me, then randomly start, act like nothing is wrong when we hang out and then start ignoring me again shortly after.
People who insult me to make themselves feel better.
Hypocritical people.
People who use me.
People who act like gym class is the Olympics. CALM DOWN.
People who act like they know everything.
Self-Centered people.
Is conceited the same as that? If not, I don't like them either.
Guys who stand in front of my locker in between class and wrestle. GO. AWAY.
Girls who mutter things under their breaths after I answer questions in class.
People who judge me before knowing me.
When people talk about me behind my back.
People who act like my friend then turn around and tell people they hate me.
People who initiate conversation and then fail to hold up a conversation.
People who call me for no reason at all and then sit there and don't say things.
Liars.
People who act stupid for attention.
Easy girls.
Shallow people.
People who lead me on.
People who practically rape each other in front of my locker.

If you're one of these people.
Apologize.

Today Sucks.
The End.
.

Writer's Block

Fun Fact: I write songs.
I've been writing since middle school.
People think it's weird.
Song writing is weird.

Do you realize if there weren't any song writers...
There would be no music?
Okay. So tell me that it's weird again?

Haha, yeah...that's right.

Over the past couple of months I've had writer's block.
I couldn't write a song even if I tried.
When I did try it came out horrible.

But today...
My writer's block went away.

I started one song and stopped.
Then started a totally different one and got really far.
I like it.

Farewell, writer's block. :)