burned bridges and the spaces between

i haven't written anything on here in almost three months.
wow.
i really don't like that.

the reason i haven't...
is because i get all of these ideas on what i want to write about
but i never know where i want to start.

not only do i struggle with saying what i want to say...
but i also struggle with knowing how to say it.
when it comes to writing, i am a perfectionist.

anyone who knows me well enough knows that when it comes to writing i am obsessed.
i don't stop writing something until i have filled a page, made my point clear, or have everything perfect.

i think the one thing i've really wanted to write about for the longest time is learning how to accept things you can't change.
i think there is nothing harder than accepting something you can't change and knowing when it's time to walk away.

you can't keep someone in your life if they don't want to stay.
if your bridge with them is burned and they don't want to rebuild
you can't make them.

i think the worst part of letting go of someone is feeling like you weren't worth it for them to stay.
the worst part is when they know you want them to stay, and they see you hurting
and they keep going.

they leave you.
and for the last few months i've spent so much time writing and writing and finding the right words to say to people to make them change their minds and to make them stay.
to make them fix things and make things how they used to be.

and i can't begin to count how many times i have heard,
"you will find someone else."
"the bridge is burned and can't be built again."

but i don't want some else.
and i know the bridge is burned.

and in the same moment i realized i realized i need to let go
i realized the burned bridge had gone and now there is just a space between.