Patience

patience is a weird thing you know.
something that typically i am not very good at.
for me, patience often means to wait to say something.

waiting my turn to speak has never been easy.
waiting to speak at all, actually.

i used to be one of the most straight forward people i knew.
i would tell someone how i felt about them within a few weeks.
maybe days.
and because of past experiences this year, i thought that i would be even more so like that.

wrong.

over the last few months i can confidently say...
i have become a professional at bottling up my feelings for someone.
i decided that this time, i would let people tell me how they felt instead of me doing the talking.
what i am finding is that i'm learning a lot about patience.
what i'm also finding is that i'm way more patient than i really am.

the thing is, for me...
feelings for people either weaken or strengthen.
and the more that time goes on... typically they get stronger.
but this time around for me...
after waiting this long to hear how someone feels about me...
because i have PROMISED i won't speak first...
i think they're weakening. the problem is.
i don't want them to.

but you know something?

 i'm over it.