Invisible

Invisible is when someone in class says, “Hey, does anyone have a pen or pencil?” and I loudly and clearly say, “Yeah. Here, you can use mine.” And the person keeps searching for one and asking people.

Invisible is when I drop all my things in the hall and people keep walking, and even step on the things I dropped.

Invisible is when I don’t initiate conversation with anyone for a long time to see if they’ll notice, initiate conversation on their own… or wonder why…and they don’t.

Invisible is when I’m walking down the hallway crying and nobody asks what’s wrong.

Invisible is when I walk past some guy I like and smile and he keeps walking as if I didn’t acknowledge him either.

Invisible is when the guy I like knows I want to get to know him and talk to him, and instead, he makes an effort to do the exact opposite and distance himself and ignore me even more. (You know who you are.)

Invisible is when something is being passed around the classroom for students to see, and it isn’t passed to me. And then when I say, “I didn’t see it.” No one pays attention and keeps passing it around.

Invisible is when the group next to me is having a pretty open conversation that several are jumping into, and when I jump in and say something that could be a valid point, or something to go off of, and nobody even seems to hear me.

Invisible is when I’m telling a story to the teacher or class about something dealing with what we’re learning about, and people branch off into their own conversation and it seems as though I hear my own voice fade and feel like I’m talking to myself.

Invisible is when I’m gone for 3 days from a class, and when I ask the person who sits next to me, “Hey, what was the homework, and what did we go over?” and they say, “You were gone?”

Invisible is when every time I text someone just a simple, “Hey.” And they don’t reply. And even though of course this isn’t a big deal…it adds up.

Invisible is when I make a valid point in class, it’s disregarded, and then the person after me says the exact same thing and everyone says, “Oh! That’s a good point!”

Invisible is when people complain that I do things for attention, when in fact I’m just doing them because I want to. And with that being said, I think everyone does every thing for attention. Besides, if I really thought I got any positive attention, I don’t think I’d be posting this now.

Invisible is when I leave someone a voicemail and say, “…call me back!” and they don’t. They don’t even acknowledge that I called. Or sent a text like, “You called?” And I understand people are busy, and I understand the world doesn’t revolve around me. I’m talking about on multiple occasions for the same people. (You also know who you are.)

Invisible is when I finally bring up enough courage to talk to someone I want to get to know, and just as I’m about to do it, someone cuts me off and starts talking to them before I even finish my first word.

Invisible is wondering what the difference really would be if I was here or wasn't.

Or if people would notice.

That’s invisible.
That’s what it feels like.